Personal Integrity

When Peter saw him [John], he asked, “Lord, what about him?” Jesus answered, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.” – John 21:21-22, NIV


It is understandable.

You have been soul raped and your world has been turned upside down by your partner’s selfish, sinful choices. It does not seem fair that they seem to be able to walk away from all of that. Maybe you even envy their new life. Where’s the justice?

I get it.

Been there.

Done that.

But I want to share something to remind you of what you do have and the adulterous spouse does not.

You have your personal integrity intact.

That is valuable.

You are the faithful spouse.

They cannot run from themselves. Wherever they go, they will still be the one that chose to break the most solemn of human vows and covenants. They will always be the one’s with the compromised integrity.

Repentance is the only way to fix that problem.

Running and denying might work for a while for them regarding what they did. Maybe they will make it a lifetime before the Reckoning. But do not be deceived…God will judge them for such sins (e.g. Hebrews 10:26-17 and 13:4).

But I do not think it will take that long.

Character has a way of showing itself…or lack thereof.

Today, I have a different perspective on my cheating ex.

I no longer envy her.

It is more pity than anything when I do think of her.

Who would choose to live a lie with such heavy sin still weighing on one’s heart? 

Make no mistake…that is exactly what is happening when an adulterous spouse does not repent. You either must live in misery trying to believe a lie about how the marriage ended or you live as a sociopath cutting off your soul from human connection. Either way, it is a dehumanizing existence even if the facade of life looks good from the outside.

No, I do not envy the unrepentant adulterous spouse or ex-spouse.

They do not have their integrity intact.

Yet that is beside the point for faithful spouses. Why waste our energies on someone who is no longer our concern? They are God’s problem now. Like Jesus telling Peter regarding John, we need to stop worrying about them. We need to be about God’s call on our own lives.

Get busy living.

Do not worry about the adulterous spouse or ex. God designed us to need integrity. They cannot escape that, and they cannot escape God. So, don’t worry about them.

Don’t build a “smiting shelter.

Get busy living into your own destiny!

6 thoughts on “Personal Integrity”

  1. What a wonderful post!

    Early on when I realized my STBX wasn’t going to repent I told him he was going to lose all of his integrity if he continued down this path. I asked him if that is what he wanted. I got a blank stare. I could not understand it then and I still can’t understand it. Yes, we were designed to value our integrity. So what makes a person stray away from that? It leads me to the conclusion of evil and spiritual warfare. It really is baffling to me why a person would welcome so much evil into their heart. I’m never going to fully understand that part of this.

  2. Thank you. I needed reminded of these truths. As angry as I still am at my STBXWH’s decisions, my heart is heavy for him. But I have to give him to God. I need to focus on my life. Thanks again!

  3. When a man (or woman) leaves their marriage for another, eagerly gets a divorce, and marries the adulterous partner……What exactly would repentance look like?

    1. BIG question!

      Short answer: I would suggest some confession and restitution are in order for genuine repentance. Marital money and money spent on the divorce ought to be paid to the faithful spouse (e.g. lawyer fees accrued by faithful spouse in the divorce/custody proceedings).

      Plus, the truly repentant adulterous spouse would be willing to ask whatever questions the faithful spouse needs answered for his/her healing.

      Those are two areas I would consider as paramount. I would not advise an additional divorce (from the OM/OW). But if I did not see any of the above concrete actions then I would doubt repentance had taken place.

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