Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, “Vengeance is mine; I will repay,” saith the Lord. -Romans 12:19, KJV I find this verse instructive as it comes to forgiving cheaters. First, it tells us to release to God our fantasies of taking revenge on our abusers. Many … Continue reading “God and Revenge”
Forgiveness Performance
So watch yourselves. “If your brother or sistersins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them.” -Luke 17:3, NIV Judging YOUR forgiveness performance! Some cheaters might cite how they do not think you will forgive them as a reason to abandon you after cheating. In other words, they are not sorry enough to … Continue reading “Forgiveness Performance”
Falling Apart
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance…. -Ecclesiastes 3:4, KJV When a marriage ends, we need a space where we can be honest with our pain. Often times, that includes “the ugly cry.” I encourage you all to find a place where you can … Continue reading “Falling Apart”
Good hope well placed
And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love. -Romans 5:5, NLT Hope is precious. We need hope to live. It is just as important to our living as food and water. The … Continue reading “Good hope well placed”
Conditioned on Repentance
“If another believer sins, rebuke that person; then IF there is repentance, forgive.” -Luke 17:3, NLT (Emphasis added) Forgiveness–according to Jesus–is conditioned on repentance of the offender. A faithful spouse seeking to see repentance BEFORE forgiving is not being bitter but rather being biblical. They are obeying Jesus’ own words here in Luke 17:3 as … Continue reading “Conditioned on Repentance”
Sharing our tears
“God Weeps Too” by Eli–an obscure Christian artist from the 90s–is one of my favorite songs. While he does not name situations of infidelity survival, I love how he names God as one who weeps alongside the broken-hearted. This understanding of God coming alongside like a good parent or friend was important for me to … Continue reading “Sharing our tears”
Allergic Reaction
The demons begged Jesus, “Send us among the pigs; allow us to go into them [pigs].” -Mark 5:12, NIV Cheaters often do not want to face the truth. Confronted with the truth about how evil their behavior is, some choose to run away or blame the faithful spouse. The truth burns. Take a cheater who … Continue reading “Allergic Reaction”
Cannot compete with the “high”
Choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season…. -Hebrews 11:25, KJV I have some good news and some bad news for faithful spouses. The good news is that cheaters are engaging in a fantasy relationship that fades when reality hits. They are chasing … Continue reading “Cannot compete with the “high””
Pressuring Your Silence
As for you, you smear me with lies. As physicians, you are worthless quacks. -Job 13:4, NLT The “friend” who tells you to ignore the cheating is not giving good advice. They also fail to understand how traumatic the experience is. I wonder if such people are embarrassed by being duped by the cheater. That … Continue reading “Pressuring Your Silence”
Great evil
For the land is full of adultery, and it lies under a curse. The land itself is in mourning— its wilderness pastures are dried up. For they all do evil and abuse what power they have. -Jeremiah 23:10,NLT When the cheater is a pastor or “Christian” counselor, it brings another layer of evil to the … Continue reading “Great evil”