Relief. The months of stone-cold or downright cruel responses. Warmth disappearing overnight like a Minnesotan May blizzard. It all started to make sense. I wasn’t imagining things. The Other Man. He existed. Had existed for months! This is one of the strangest and most surreal parts of discovering infidelity. The moment of confirmation is not only … Continue reading “Relief of knowing!”
Category: Trauma of adultery
“What do you know?”
“Well, what do you know?” says Cheater. This is a clear sign that your Cheater is in full-blown damage control. They want to know what is known so that they don’t “over” confess. Plus, they want to know where the leaks are so that they can plug them. I do not recommend showing all your … Continue reading ““What do you know?””
Healing words for faithful spouses
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. -Hebrews 13:4, NIV “Yes, it happened. She cheated on you. And that’s right: you didn’t deserve it. It’s not your fault. Not at all.” You really want to help a faithful spouse. … Continue reading “Healing words for faithful spouses”
Make it stop!
My tears have been my food day and night, while people say to me all day long, “Where is your God?” -Psalm 42:3, NIV Just make it stop! I remember how this was the feeling I had early in my divorce process from my Cheater. It made me vulnerable to doing some soppy, chumpy things. Sometimes, … Continue reading “Make it stop!”
Seared Moments
Certain moments stay with us for a lifetime. They are seared into our memories in technicolor. I will never forget a walk I had near my old condominium in the city. While I was walking, I was talking on the phone with my now ex-wife. The walk and conversation are still with me today–over a … Continue reading “Seared Moments”
No Other Man Drama
So is he who goes in to his neighbor’s wife; Whoever touches her shall not be innocent. -Proverbs 6:29, NKJV My Cheater loved the fantasy of being central and fought over for her affections. I know this as that was the take away for her from watching the awful movie, “Fireproof.” The scene of the husband fighting … Continue reading “No Other Man Drama”
Worse… so much worse!
Worse… so much worse! I remember early in my first marriage’s ending how I was hoping it was “just” an emotional affair. The whole not taking emotional affairs seriously was a problem I was yet to reckon with personally. The reality is the cheating is usually MUCH worse than what we see in the initial … Continue reading “Worse… so much worse!”
Need to preach about righteous divorces
Sharing only testimonies of reconciled and restored marriages following adultery… …feeds false hope in “reconciliation” for faithful spouses dealing with unrepentant cheaters. Show of hands. How many here thought their marriage was going to “make it” and then you would have a testimony about marriage reconciliation to share with others? I know I did. The … Continue reading “Need to preach about righteous divorces”
The real choice
Even a faithful spouse “choosing” to divorce their cheater is really not the choice. They had chosen to be married for life to a person who left all others. However, that person decided to change things. They chose adultery. That just left bad options for the faithful spouse. The faithful spouse choosing divorce is a person … Continue reading “The real choice”
“Yeah, I know she cheated on you, but…”
“Yeah, I know she cheated on you, but you’ve got issues, too,” says false “friend.” You need to lose “friends” that respond in this sort of way to your infidelity trauma. They are not behaving as a friend. In fact, they are making things worse by equating your imperfections with a double-life of lies and … Continue reading ““Yeah, I know she cheated on you, but…””