What just happened? You thought your spouse would never cheat on you. That was until you were faced with indisputable evidence to the contrary. It is a sucker punch to the gut. I think infidelity discovery is one the most disorienting experiences a human can have. The betrayal is soul deep. Depending on how long … Continue reading “Sucker punch feeling”
Category: Trauma of adultery
Cheater-Speak: “If only you would have….”
“If only you would have done everything to bring in money, then I wouldn’t be so miserable.” -Cheater Some Cheaters genuinely believe their spouse is responsible for their feelings, especially their happiness or lack thereof. This is a losing proposition for faithful spouses. We cannot succeed in this rigged game. Humans are responsible for their … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “If only you would have….””
No excuse. Period.
Thou shalt not commit adultery. -Exodus 20:14, KJV With the way faithful spouses are handled after adultery discovery, you would think this verse from the Ten Commandments said something different. “Thou shalt not commit adultery” [UNLESS]… …you have a difficult marriage. …you are not getting “enough” sex. …your spouse isn’t connecting with you emotionally like … Continue reading “No excuse. Period.”
Wondering… Do they?
I wonder… …do some Cheaters ever even consider they might be the problem. Of course, the usual course of these things is to externalize the problem. They blame their spouse. Or they might blame the affair partner. Another candidate might be the stresses of work. Cheaters have a long list of things or people to blame … Continue reading “Wondering… Do they?”
Meditating on Psalm 89:14
Righteousness and justice are the foundation of your throne; love and faithfulness go before you. -Psalm 89:14, NIV I believe adultery is affront to the very throne or authority of God. As the Psalmist states here, we see love and faithfulness as linked to the symbol of God’s authority–i.e. His throne. Adultery is the opposite … Continue reading “Meditating on Psalm 89:14”
Divorce discard pain
He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.- -Isaiah 53:3, NIV The divorce discard is painful. Some cheaters cling to their marriage, and other cheaters complete the rejection by filing for divorce. … Continue reading “Divorce discard pain”
Cannot Repent
For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad. -2 Corinthians 5:10, NIV You cannot repent of sin that is not yours! We are responsible for our own sin, not another’s. … Continue reading “Cannot Repent”
Accepting Reality & Disagreement
Your Cheater may never acknowledge what they did to you was wrong. They may contest the divorce story to the end of their lives. Part of healing is accepting this as a loss and moving forward in the truth. Yes, it is an injustice. Still, to heal, we sometimes have to name it as such … Continue reading “Accepting Reality & Disagreement”
Be prepared. Post discovery and meeting for “help.”
Cheating is exposed. Now, the cheater is willing to go to couples therapy and rebuild what the cheater destroyed. How does a faithful spouse approach such sessions with a Christian couples counselor? 1. Remember you have choices here. Did you choose this counselor? What do you know about him or her? If this person is … Continue reading “Be prepared. Post discovery and meeting for “help.””
“For the kids” Really?!
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. -Hebrews 13:4, NIV Adulterous spouses have no shame. On one hand, they will willfully and maliciously disregard how their selfish sinful choices impact their children. Then, on the other hand, they will … Continue reading ““For the kids” Really?!”