“I just needed a break from our marriage,” says Cheater. There is no “Pause” button on the marriage covenant. You are either honoring or dishonoring your covenant commitments. No “Pause” option. Living as if one is not married is the ultimate living a lie for a spouse. It is treating one’s spouse with contempt and … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “I just needed a break.””
Category: Trauma of adultery
How dare we? Ha.
How dare we object to being humiliated by our Cheater?! How dare we object to our Cheater dirty dancing with someone else?! How dare we object to our Cheater taking another partner as their plus one?! How dare we object to our Cheater bad mouthing us to our “friends?!” Cheaters treat faithful spouses as the … Continue reading “How dare we? Ha.”
Well, what did you contribute to the breakdown of your marriage?
“Well, what did you contribute to the breakdown of your marriage?” I hate that question. It is a “Loaded Question”–meaning it assumes you did something to destroy your marriage. Such questions are errors in reasoning–i.e. logical fallacies. While the question looks reasonable, it is really just a dressed up version of “The Shared Responsibility Lie,” … Continue reading “Well, what did you contribute to the breakdown of your marriage?”
Cheater-Speak: “I just want open and honest communication.”
“I just want open and honest communication,” says Cheater. Do Cheaters really want honesty and openness? No way! Cheating is no fun when you are faced with consequences that come with open honesty with your victim–i.e. the faithful spouse. Two-sided openness is such a drag for those committed to a lifestyle of deception. When Cheaters say that … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “I just want open and honest communication.””
Sin is to be silent.
Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. -Ephesians 5:11, NIV If you know something, say something. It is that simple. We are commanded to expose the “deeds of darkness,” NOT to keep them hidden. If we do not obey a command, we are sinning. It is a sin … Continue reading “Sin is to be silent.”
CHOOSE your VICTORY narrative!
Instead of shame and dishonor, you will enjoy a double share of honor. -Isaiah 61:7a, NLT Why would you choose to accept the lie-filled narrative from your cheater as your own narrative? Choose your own victory narrative! Remember: You are not the rejected spouse. RATHER, you are the FAITHFUL SPOUSE! You are not the morally … Continue reading “CHOOSE your VICTORY narrative!”
Somehow I was wrong?!
“This is the way of an adulterous woman: She eats and wipes her mouth and says, ‘I’ve done nothing wrong.’” -Proverbs 30:20, NIV I wonder how many of us had “skilled” Cheaters who could turn their wrong into “our” fault in the therapist’s or pastor’s office. Maybe they even freely admitted to cheating on you … Continue reading “Somehow I was wrong?!”
Okay to admit being “not okay”
Walking in reality is good for our souls. Sometimes, that means admitting that we are “not okay.” But we can still hold hope that eventually we will be well. As we walk with Jesus, we know this is true. AND God can handle us being upset and “not okay” in the present. I love this … Continue reading “Okay to admit being “not okay””
Sucker punch feeling
What just happened? You thought your spouse would never cheat on you. That was until you were faced with indisputable evidence to the contrary. It is a sucker punch to the gut. I think infidelity discovery is one the most disorienting experiences a human can have. The betrayal is soul deep. Depending on how long … Continue reading “Sucker punch feeling”
Cheater-Speak: “If only you would have….”
“If only you would have done everything to bring in money, then I wouldn’t be so miserable.” -Cheater Some Cheaters genuinely believe their spouse is responsible for their feelings, especially their happiness or lack thereof. This is a losing proposition for faithful spouses. We cannot succeed in this rigged game. Humans are responsible for their … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “If only you would have….””