While doing my year-long residency as a chaplain at a Veterans’ Affairs Medical Center, I gained education on a relatively new area of research for professional chaplains and psychologists. Most people today are familiar with the acronym PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), but I would be surprised if many are aware of this accompanying concept–i.e. moral injury. Please … Continue reading “Divorce as Morally Injurous Event”
Category: Trauma of adultery
Worse than we suspected
One thing too many pastors get wrong about faithful spouses is how we are just “looking for a way out” when we divorce our cheater. That is NOT what is happening! There are far less painful ways to end a marriage than through infidelity discovery. Trust me. The reality is we–faithful spouses–probably undersold the mess. … Continue reading “Worse than we suspected”
God is very serious about adultery.
“If a man commits adultery with his neighbor’s wife, both the man and the woman who have committed adultery must be put to death.” -Leviticus 20:10, NLT This verse says it all. It teaches us that God viewed adultery as a marriage ending sin. How so? God required the adulterous spouse to die in light of said … Continue reading “God is very serious about adultery.”
Cheaters and their precious image
“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean.” -Matthew 23:27, NIV Few things are more hypocritical than committing adultery while maintaining one is a “good Christian.” … Continue reading “Cheaters and their precious image”
Stay strong and do not repeat my mistake!
The Other Man was discovered. I wrote a letter to my (then) wife letting her know I would not tolerate her cheating anymore. She could either choose to work to prove to me that her cheating days were over, or she could expect me to terminate my relationship–friendship included–with her permanently. Obviously, she chose the … Continue reading “Stay strong and do not repeat my mistake!”
Choosing to not dwell on troubling thoughts
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. -John 14:27, KJV “Let NOT your heart be troubled…” (Emphasis mine) This is a command from Jesus. A command that implies we have a … Continue reading “Choosing to not dwell on troubling thoughts”
Calculating power dynamics
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. -I Corinthians 13:4-5, NIV “You would just hold this over my head for the rest of our marriage if I stayed,” … Continue reading “Calculating power dynamics”
Regarding Envy of Cheater Prosperity
There is something else meaningless that occurs on earth: the righteous who get what the wicked deserve, and the wicked who get what the righteous deserve. This too, I say, is meaningless. -Ecclesiastes 8:14, NIV The observation of the wicked prospering while the righteous are punished is not a new one. That is what this … Continue reading “Regarding Envy of Cheater Prosperity”
You will lose some “friends.”
You know that everyone in the province of Asia has deserted me, including Phygelus and Hermogenes. -2 Timothy 1:15, NIV Not all your “friends” before the infidelity discovery will remain your friends afterwards. This is a hard truth to accept. Yet it is a reality best accepted to avoid further heartache. I think this is one of … Continue reading “You will lose some “friends.””
“Telling would hurt his reputation.”
“Telling would hurt his reputation,” says Cheater Apologist. No, what has harmed his reputation is behaving in a harmful way. People knowing about it is just revealing his TRUE reputation. Faithful spouses are often too hesitant to speak the ugly truth about their cheater. They worry that they would be wrong to say out loud … Continue reading ““Telling would hurt his reputation.””