It is shameful even to talk about the things that ungodly people do in secret. -Ephesians 5:12, NLT Sometimes not knowing everything is a mercy from God. I am convinced this is true in my case. The conversation I will never forget is the one I had with my (now) ex-wife finally admitting to an adulterous relationship … Continue reading “God’s gift of merciful ignorance”
Category: Trauma of adultery
Being older does not mean he is humble!
Let them alone: they be blind leaders of the blind. And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch. -Matthew 15:14, KJV I wish I could say an older pastor will be more discerning and wiser than a younger pastor on matters of adultery and divorce. But that would be a … Continue reading “Being older does not mean he is humble!”
Reconciliation longing and biblical responses
“Jerusalem, Jerusalem, who kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to her! How often I wanted to gather your children together, the way a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were unwilling.” -Matthew 23:37, NASB Following adultery discovery, a major part of the traumatic experience is the loss of relationships … Continue reading “Reconciliation longing and biblical responses”
Did your cheater try to enlist others against you?
Did your cheater try to enlist others against you? One of the nastier aspects of dealing with a cheater is how they decimate (or attempt to decimate) your own support system. They may have even started this process of turning people against you well before you had a clue about the cheating. Some cheaters might … Continue reading “Did your cheater try to enlist others against you?”
Deceitful heart
The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? -Jeremiah 17:9, KJV I think this verse is especially true of the so called “Christian” cheaters. They lie to themselves first. Then they lie to others. If you were not the recipient of the harm, you could almost feel pity for … Continue reading “Deceitful heart”
“Forgiveness” Rather Than Repentance “Concerned” People
…and if you see him going the wrong direction, cry out and correct him. If there is true repentance on his part, forgive him. -Luke 17:3, TPT I wonder if you have experienced versions of these questions or statements. They usually come from well-meaning (but emotionally and biblically tone-deaf) Christians: “So, have you forgiven her?” … Continue reading ““Forgiveness” Rather Than Repentance “Concerned” People”
Keep telling your story, please!
Telling the story of what happened is important if we want to change how people treat faithful spouses. The larger narrative starts to change when people learn that their friend, colleague, or even family member was mistreated by a cheater. It changes because they are emotionally invested in you and your hurts matter to them. … Continue reading “Keep telling your story, please!”
And then they are nothing more than a footnote
I want to encourage those who are recent arrivals to this digital shore. It does get better. The sharp, intense emotional pain does lessen over time. Thoughts of your cheater become less and less as you heal. In fact, one day–I don’t know when it will be for you–you will wake up and spend a … Continue reading “And then they are nothing more than a footnote”
Three Key Points for Pastors on Adultery Situations
-3 THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT ADULTERY- 1. ADULTERY IS SOUL RAPE! The Bible is clear about the principle about how a married couple is no longer two individuals in a spiritual sense but are actually one (see Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:6, I Corinthians 6:15-18, etc). Following from this oneness principle of marriage, any … Continue reading “Three Key Points for Pastors on Adultery Situations”
Not ashamed of my pets “taking care of” me
“You will drink from the brook, and I have directed the ravens to supply you with food there.” -I Kings 17:4, NIV “Do you need someone to take care of you?!” This accusation was aimed at me to shame. It was aimed to suggest the person hearing it was less than an adult. But it … Continue reading “Not ashamed of my pets “taking care of” me”