“It’s not like I was trying to cheat on you. It just sort of happened.” -Cheater A cheater speaking like this is an unrepentant cheater. How do I know? Well, repentance starts with the honesty of owning one’s own choices and behavior. The cheater speaking like this is not being honest on those fronts. To this … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “It’s not like I was trying to cheat on you.””
Category: Trauma of adultery
Denigrating sharing by cheaters
“She was being unfair. Jane knew just what a good soldier her husband was, but a woman who has deserted her man and stolen his fortune soon learns to denigrate his memory as a justification for her actions.” -Bernarnd Cornwell, Waterloo (#11) (Sharpe Book 20), New York, New York: Penguin Books, 1987, pp65. The above … Continue reading “Denigrating sharing by cheaters”
If it is about power over…
But Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers in this world lord it over their people, and officials flaunt their authority over those under them.” -Matthew 20:25, NLT “You will just keep that [her cheating] over her head forever [if she stayed married to you].” -Cheater apologist Some people view all relationships … Continue reading “If it is about power over…”
Learning to like oneself.
How could I have missed that?! I do not know if you can relate to asking this question of yourself. However, I think the fractured relationship with oneself is a relationship almost always needing attention. Part of the devastation of discovering a cheating spouse is discovering the deception was ongoing for a long period of time, … Continue reading “Learning to like oneself.”
Recognize the “tip” of the “Cheating Iceberg”
When dealing with a cheater who has lived a double life for months (or years), you likely only know a small part of the deception and infidelity. They have been at this deception for a while. What you know now is a fractured partial of the story, and they have demonstrated an unwillingness to clue … Continue reading “Recognize the “tip” of the “Cheating Iceberg””
A decade of changes
A decade ago, I was about to depart to cross half the country for my residency in Chaplaincy. I had just discovered the Other Man who had been part of the picture for months prior to my knowledge. The summer of 2012 was a highly unpleasant summer for me. It felt hopeless, honestly. My marriage … Continue reading “A decade of changes”
Selected and wanted as a friend!
“Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me. You didn’t choose me. I chose you.” -John 15:15b-16a, NLT I think one of the most endearing part of owning a dog (or parrot, in my case) is how they demonstrate how much they choose and want you! In this, they are … Continue reading “Selected and wanted as a friend!”
Rejoice with the rejoicing ones!
Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep. -Romans 12:15, KJV When I separated from my (now) ex-wife, I attended a wedding of a dear friend. It was a blast. I rejoiced with them. I could have been a party-pooper. Or I could have decided not to even go to the … Continue reading “Rejoice with the rejoicing ones!”
Do not feed Cheater contempt!
Here is the deceptive way of the adulterous woman: she takes what she wants and then says, “I’ve done nothing wrong.” -Proverbs 30:20, TPT While I believe we can all learn from our mistakes and sins in a relationship, I caution against the counsel to own our marriage sins with a cheater in active infidelity. … Continue reading “Do not feed Cheater contempt!”
Frustration of seeing the wicked prosper
In this life, good people are often treated as though they were wicked, and wicked people are often treated as though they were good. This is so meaningless! -Ecclesiastes 8:14b, NLT These words seem like they were written today and not as they were–i.e. thousands of years earlier! I bet many here can relate to … Continue reading “Frustration of seeing the wicked prosper”