Category: Trauma of adultery

Once seen and experienced…

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. -I Corinthians 13:11, NKJV I was dangerously naive in my first marriage. This was very apparent to me as I entered through the valley … Continue reading “Once seen and experienced…”

Am I “bitter” towards my old denomination? No.

Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many. -Hebrews 12:15b, NLT When I went through my divorce from a cheater, my (now) former denomination required me to undergo an ecclesiastical trial (now altered in process) to retain my ministerial credentials. I succeeded in retaining my credentials as the … Continue reading “Am I “bitter” towards my old denomination? No.”

Certainly nobody’s first choice

Even when filing the divorce papers, the faithful spouse really did not choose this outcome. What they chose was a marriage free of infidelity! The filing of the papers was the choice they had left after the choice of the cheater to destroy the agreed upon future by being unfaithful. The good options–the preferred option–was … Continue reading “Certainly nobody’s first choice”

Anger fades with time and work

God is a just judge, And God is angry with the wicked every day. -Psalm 7:11, NKJV Anger is a healthy, godly response to adultery. I will say  that again: Anger is a healthy, godly response to adultery. When we do not feel angry over such injustice and wickedness, something is seriously wrong with our walk with the Lord. He is angry … Continue reading “Anger fades with time and work”

New Book Resource: UNFOLD

Dear Readers, Recently, I was contacted by a blog reader who wrote a book about her experience. I asked her to write up a little blurb about her book and promised to post it on my website. Below it a link to her book (just click on the book image) and the little blurb she … Continue reading “New Book Resource: UNFOLD”

Cheater-Speak: “I was just trying to get your attention.”

“I was just trying to get your attention. That is all that this affair is about.” -Cheater This is another diversionary trick Cheaters do. They drop a line like this and watch as counselors and/or pastors divert their attention away from the affair towards the faithful spouse’s “flaws.” Sadly, this ploy has a reasonable chance … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “I was just trying to get your attention.””

Mailbag: Are there physical judgments on cheaters?

DM, I really appreciate your blog, and I’m so glad I found it. You are a voice of reason in a wilderness of bad theology. You’d think people, including pastors, don’t actually read the Bible anymore. My question for you concerns other consequences that arise from adultery even though it was never properly addressed when … Continue reading “Mailbag: Are there physical judgments on cheaters?”

Cheater’s “Grace” as “Cheap Grace”

…cheap grace — “the preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance.” Cheap grace wrongly separates absolution of sin from acknowledgment of that sin. -Katelyn Beaty, “The Mistake Christians Made in Defending Bill O’Reilly Cheaters and “cheap grace” Beaty’s article takes aim at some prominent conservatives and evangelical leaders. In particular, her article exposes the hypocrisy of … Continue reading “Cheater’s “Grace” as “Cheap Grace””

Triggering Advice: Husbands ought to “die” for their wives like Christ did the Church.

For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her…. -Ephesians 5:25, NLT When I hear this verse cited by Evangelicals, I shudder internally.  This is a highly abused text. Evangelicals often use this as a proof text to control husbands. Obviously, this text teaches … Continue reading “Triggering Advice: Husbands ought to “die” for their wives like Christ did the Church.”