Cheater apologists are quick to point at the flaws in the marriage and blame the faithful spouse “for their part.” This is foolishness parading as wisdom. Sometimes metaphors help us understand how foolish some things actually are: The marriage is a house. This house has needed updates. For example, it needs new windows, a fresh … Continue reading “Like talking about squeaky floor boards…”
Category: Trauma of adultery
Cheater-Speak: “He’s a friend. I can have friends, right?!!”
Faithful Spouse: Who is he then? Cheater: A friend. Can’t I have friends? This is a common cheater ploy. They attempt to minimize the nature of their relationship with the affair partner. He (or she) is presented as “a friend.” Then they might go on the offensive accusing the faithful spouse … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “He’s a friend. I can have friends, right?!!””
If only I had learn this earlier, maybe I would still be married? Nah.
“If only I had learned to ____ quicker, my marriage might not have ended.” -Faithful Spouse Spinning While understandable, this sort of thinking is just another form of “The Shared Responsibility Lie.” The faithful spouse is sharing responsibility for the choices and sins of their ex-spouse. I hate to break the news, but we are … Continue reading “If only I had learn this earlier, maybe I would still be married? Nah.”
PSA: Forgiveness does not have the power to alter historical facts!
It still feels strange for me to even speak about how my first marriage ended. I feel internal pressure and accusation as if speaking the facts means I have not forgiven her or am bitter. That’s a lie, by the way. But it is a hard one to shake growing up amidst a Christian subculture … Continue reading “PSA: Forgiveness does not have the power to alter historical facts!”
The “not a problem” problem
“This is the way of an adulterous woman: She eats and wipes her mouth and says, ‘I’ve done nothing wrong.’” -Proverbs 30:20, NIV The “Not a Problem” Problem Some cheaters are so far gone that they genuinely see no problem in cheating. They have believed the lies “justifying” their wicked sins. This is a problem. … Continue reading “The “not a problem” problem”
Presuming too much?! Enough is enough.
Are you not to judge those inside [the church]? God will judge those outside. “Expel the wicked person from among you.” -I Corinthians 5:12b-13, NIV Is enough ever enough to stop enabling cheaters in the church? I am so thankful for God’s extravagant mercy and grace. It is what made the way for me to have … Continue reading “Presuming too much?! Enough is enough.”
Like a used tissue.
“I felt like a used piece of tissue paper. Just thrown away in the trash.” – Vineyard pastor The quote might not be exact. However, I will never forget the thrust of what she said. The message was unmistakable. This brave pastoral spouse shared to a young Vineyard Church about her experience of being sexually … Continue reading “Like a used tissue.”
The beauty of Holy Saturday
59 Joseph took the body, wrapped it in a clean linen cloth, 60 and placed it in his own new tomb that he had cut out of the rock. -Matthew 27:59-60a, NIV Everything looked lost. Jesus was dead. He was buried along with all his followers’ hopes and dreams. This is Holy Saturday. Can you relate? What I love … Continue reading “The beauty of Holy Saturday”
Recalibrating Expectations: Marriage resurrection is not the norm.
….but the angel said, “Don’t be alarmed. You are looking for Jesus of Nazareth, who was crucified. He isn’t here! He is risen from the dead! Look, this is where they laid his body.” -Mark 16:6, NLT Resurrection is unexpected. It is not how things normally go. This is in part why Jesus coming back from … Continue reading “Recalibrating Expectations: Marriage resurrection is not the norm.”
No more condemnation for faithful spouses!
It is the Sovereign Lord who helps me. Who will condemn me? They will all wear out like a garment; the moths will eat them up. -Isaiah 50:9, NIV God is on the side of righteousness. In the case of adultery, that means God is on the “side” of the faithful spouse. He is not participating in their condemnation. I … Continue reading “No more condemnation for faithful spouses!”