For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God… -Romans 3:23, KJV While it is wise and admirable to work on one’s own sins, issues, and shortcomings, I believe it is important to be clear about one thing: Faithful Spouse, “fixing” yourself cannot fix your adultery-ravaged marriage. Despite what “Christian” books and … Continue reading “Faithful Spouse, fixing this does not fix this!”
Category: Trauma of adultery
Pet Peeve: Not keeping one’s word!
Lord, who may dwell in your sacred tent? Who may live on your holy mountain? …who keeps an oath even when it hurts, and does not change their mind…. Psalm 15:1, 4b, NIV My grandfather, Leverne, was an old school, North Dakotan farmer. His word was his bond. It was a word and a handshake. That is … Continue reading “Pet Peeve: Not keeping one’s word!”
Perfect picture without substance behind it.
“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which indeed appear beautiful outwardly, but inside are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness.” -Matthew 23:27, NKJV I have noticed a common phenomenon with cheaters and their families of origin. Often times, they come from families that have an appearance of … Continue reading “Perfect picture without substance behind it.”
Fact: Cheaters are the marriage flunkies!
“You shall not commit adultery.” -Exodus 20:14, NIV (from The Ten Commandments) Fact: Cheaters are marriage flunkies. One of the most basic lessons in Christian marriage is adhering to this classic and consistent prohibition regarding sex with marriage outsiders. Cheaters have–spectacularly, in some cases–flunked this most basic of marriage lessons. Yet for some reason, … Continue reading “Fact: Cheaters are the marriage flunkies!”
Adultery Prevention Seminar. What would it look like?
Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom. -Song of Solomon 2:15, NIV What would a “Christian Adultery Prevention Seminar” entail? I think it all begins with healthy reminders about how we are all vulnerable to this sin when we marry another person. We only … Continue reading “Adultery Prevention Seminar. What would it look like?”
Where are all those Christian “Adultery Prevention Marriage Seminars?”
Where are the “Adultery Prevention Marriage Seminars?” Sure, there are plenty of “affair-proofing” marriage seminars. But I am talking about the sort of seminars where pastors talk about adultery and taking personal responsibility for one’s own sins. Instead of talking about the horrors of divorce–like pretty much every pre-marital book I read does–why not talk … Continue reading “Where are all those Christian “Adultery Prevention Marriage Seminars?””
Community Fall Out
If a man be found lying with a woman married to an husband, then they shall both of them die, both the man that lay with the woman, and the woman: so shalt thou put away evil from Israel. -Deuteronomy 22:22, KJV Too often, adultery is treated as a private matter between the faithful … Continue reading “Community Fall Out”
Once seen and experienced…
When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. -I Corinthians 13:11, NKJV I was dangerously naive in my first marriage. This was very apparent to me as I entered through the valley … Continue reading “Once seen and experienced…”
Am I “bitter” towards my old denomination? No.
Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many. -Hebrews 12:15b, NLT When I went through my divorce from a cheater, my (now) former denomination required me to undergo an ecclesiastical trial (now altered in process) to retain my ministerial credentials. I succeeded in retaining my credentials as the … Continue reading “Am I “bitter” towards my old denomination? No.”
Certainly nobody’s first choice
Even when filing the divorce papers, the faithful spouse really did not choose this outcome. What they chose was a marriage free of infidelity! The filing of the papers was the choice they had left after the choice of the cheater to destroy the agreed upon future by being unfaithful. The good options–the preferred option–was … Continue reading “Certainly nobody’s first choice”