When we married, we likely had no idea our marriage would end the way it did. It was a happy day. Sure, the saying goes that hindsight is 20/20. We might now notice things we never noticed prior to that wedding day. However, the marriage started with hope and joy. That is healthy. I do … Continue reading “Initially thought it started good…”
Category: Cheating
Lectured by (ex) in-laws
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord. -Ephesians 6:4, NLT Show of–virtual–hands, how many had in-laws who lectured you about your deficiencies as a spouse? If you are looking for the source of blinding … Continue reading “Lectured by (ex) in-laws”
Why are you exhorting the faithful spouse to forgive?
Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. -Romans 12:15, NKJV What astounds me about some Christians is how they believe they are helping faithful spouses by telling them that they must forgive their cheater. Most of us–faithful spouses–already understand forgiving our cheater is on the docket of things to do in … Continue reading “Why are you exhorting the faithful spouse to forgive?”
Calculated cheating
Cheating does not “just happen.” Even those cheating events that happen with alcohol involved are evidence of what is already in the heart. The substance just lowered their inhibitions to act on the sin in their hearts. What is worse is those cheaters–who are many–who plan out months or years of cheating. It is hard … Continue reading “Calculated cheating”
Downright dangerous lie
“The affair has nothing to do with our marriage problems.” -Lying Cheater This is a very dangerous lie. Various people may say this. The cheater may say this, and sometimes, sadly, pastors or other counselors may say this. Sadly, they may even believe the lie. The lie is dangerous, because it takes the focus off … Continue reading “Downright dangerous lie”
Cannot compete against fantasy
May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. -Proverbs 5:18, NIV When I was dating my first wife (the cheater), I remember thinking about this dynamic. A committed relationship was very different than one that was not. The fantasy soon wears off when real life issues start impacting … Continue reading “Cannot compete against fantasy”
No hope? Self-fulfilling cheater prophecy.
“I just do not have any hope for our marriage.” -Cheater Ironically, faithful spouses are usually the ones who are accused of giving up on the marriage. The reality is that the cheater gave up on the marriage the moment they decided to violate their marriage vows. Plus, many of us–I suspect–sat in the counseling … Continue reading “No hope? Self-fulfilling cheater prophecy.”
“Friend” to lover
Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. -Proverbs 4:23, NLT I was listening to some of the Kenny Rogers’ songs. He died recently. One of his songs jumped out at me. His song, “Daytime Friends,” struck me as a song that illustrates a most basic principle regarding cheaters: … Continue reading ““Friend” to lover”
“Have you forgiven [Cheater]?”
![“Have you forgiven [Cheater]?”](https://i0.wp.com/www.divorceminister.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/wp-1643146116519.jpg?fit=1200%2C534&ssl=1)
“Have you forgiven your ex-wife?” -Inquiring Christian Let’s assume this person has not already passed judgment and condemned you as “bitter.” In other words, they are asking this question in good faith and out of genuine love for you. My response would be: What do you mean by “forgiven?” The answer to this question will … Continue reading ““Have you forgiven [Cheater]?””
Wicked schemers
There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes…. -Proverbs 6:16-18a, NIV Sad to say, I suspect many cheaters have planned out their deception and their exodus from the marriage. This is especially true–I suspect–when it comes … Continue reading “Wicked schemers”