Another anniversary. Today marks the seventh anniversary of my divorce becoming final. I have now been divorced from longer than I was married to my first wife. I still have memories, yet it feels like a lifetime away. The hardest memories are the fond ones as they remind me of what was lost. Yet, I … Continue reading “Seven years, today.”
Category: Emotional Affair
Emotional wounds are the longest to heal.
Probably the hardest part of healing from a divorce from a cheater are the lingering emotional wounds from that marriage. You have to find a way to ground yourself in reality. This reality is a reality NOT defined by the cheater or her people. It is reality, in other words. That is hard to do when you … Continue reading “Emotional wounds are the longest to heal.”
On treating cheating as an unimportant detail regarding the divorce.
“If a man commits adultery with his neighbor’s wife, both the man and the woman who have committed adultery must be put to death.” -Leviticus 20:10, NLT What astounds me with pastors and Christian marriage counselors who deal with marital infidelity situations is how too many treat cheating as incidental to a marriage ending in … Continue reading “On treating cheating as an unimportant detail regarding the divorce.”
But some truly ARE crazy!
But a man who commits adultery has no sense…. -Proverbs 6:32a, NIV A common word of advice in the dating world is not to date a divorced individual who describes their ex as “crazy.”* Maybe you have heard this one? Such bad-mouthing of an ex is treated as a major red flag. The idea is that … Continue reading “But some truly ARE crazy!”
Public Service Announcement: NOT your mess!!!
For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad. -2 Corinthians 5:10, KJV Repenting of sins committed against us makes no sense! Yet this is the standard counsel given to … Continue reading “Public Service Announcement: NOT your mess!!!”
The goal is peace, NOT friendship!
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. -Romans 12:18, NIV Notice what this verse does and does NOT say: 1. It does NOT say–or set the expectation–that we are friends with everyone. 2. It DOES say–i.e. acknowledges–that peace with some people is impossible. These are very important … Continue reading “The goal is peace, NOT friendship!”
Annoying advice about “owning your part” to avoid “bitterness”
The soul that sinneth, it shall die. The son shall not bear the iniquity of the father, neither shall the father bear the iniquity of the son: the righteousness of the righteous shall be upon him, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon him. -Ezekiel 18:20, KJV Some Christians think talking about “your … Continue reading “Annoying advice about “owning your part” to avoid “bitterness””
I CAN pray for their spiritual wellness.
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. -Romans 12:14, NIV Pray for your abuser? Pray for your cheater? This is common advice given in Christian circles. I am not completely sure that it is good advice. That is just my opinion. I find the verse above has a context of speaking about … Continue reading “I CAN pray for their spiritual wellness.”
On advice not to divorce because marriage is “about holiness”
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be … Continue reading “On advice not to divorce because marriage is “about holiness””
Better days ahead!
The Lord blessed the latter days of Job more than his beginning…. -Job 42:12a, NASB So much is done within the Church to reinforce fears concerning divorce. Even a ministry I generally recommend for those divorcing a cheating spouse, DivorceCare, does this to some extent. They certainly do not encourage divorce–even when, I believe, that … Continue reading “Better days ahead!”