But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God. -John 3:21, NIV Graphic pictures of compromising behavior seems to be almost needed to convince some pastors and Christians that a spouse is violating their … Continue reading “On hundreds of messages exchanged”
Category: Emotional Affair
Forgiveness is powerless to change historical facts!
It still feels strange for me to even speak about how my first marriage ended. I feel internal pressure and accusation as if speaking the facts means I have not forgiven her or am bitter. That’s a lie, by the way. But it is a hard one to shake growing up amidst a Christian subculture … Continue reading “Forgiveness is powerless to change historical facts!”
Cheater-Speak: “A friend.”
Faithful Spouse: Who is he then? Cheater: A friend. Can’t I have friends? This is a common cheater ploy. They attempt to minimize the nature of their relationship with the affair partner. He (or she) is presented as “a friend.” Then they might go on the offense accusing the faithful spouse … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “A friend.””
On curing a bad case of “The If-Onlys”
If only… …I had lost that weight. …landed that well-paying job. …spent more time at home than working. …initiated sex more. …wore sexier underwear. …was a better listener. If only…if only…if only… When you are stuck in “the if onlys,” you are stuck in trying to control something that is outside of your control–namely, the … Continue reading “On curing a bad case of “The If-Onlys””
Is enough ever enough?
Are you not to judge those inside [the church]? God will judge those outside. “Expel the wicked person from among you.” -I Corinthians 5:12b-13, NIV Is enough ever enough to stop enabling cheaters in the church? I am so thankful for God’s extravagant mercy and grace. It is what made the way for me to have … Continue reading “Is enough ever enough?”
Adultery situations make pastors uncomfortable!
He gives justice to the oppressed and food to the hungry. The Lord frees the prisoners. The Lord opens the eyes of the blind. The Lord lifts up those who are weighed down. The Lord loves the godly. -Psalm 146:7-8, NLT Pastors are not marriage therapists. We are pastors. Our area of training and focus deals with rightly handling Scripture. We provide emotional … Continue reading “Adultery situations make pastors uncomfortable!”
Used tissue.
“I felt like a used piece of tissue paper. Just thrown away in the trash.” – Vineyard pastor The quote might not be exact. However, I will never forget the idea. This brave pastoral spouse shared to a young Vineyard Church about her experience of being sexually assaulted. She vividly described how she felt the … Continue reading “Used tissue.”
Mailbag: What does forgiveness look like for an unrepentant, remarried adulterer?
JannaG asks: What should forgiveness of an unrepentant adulterer look like when you’ve divorced and they’re remarried and you haven’t had any contact in years? Well, I will begin by saying the spiritual well-being of the adulterer is not the responsibility of the faithful ex-spouse. You are under no obligation to reach out to this … Continue reading “Mailbag: What does forgiveness look like for an unrepentant, remarried adulterer?”
A Resurrection Is NOT Normal!
….but the angel said, “Don’t be alarmed. You are looking for Jesus of Nazareth, who was crucified. He isn’t here! He is risen from the dead! Look, this is where they laid his body.” -Mark 16:6, NLT Resurrection is unexpected. It is not how things normally go. This is in part why Jesus coming back from … Continue reading “A Resurrection Is NOT Normal!”
Not condemned.
It is the Sovereign Lord who helps me. Who will condemn me? They will all wear out like a garment; the moths will eat them up. -Isaiah 50:9, NIV God is on the side of righteousness. In the case of adultery, that means God is on the “side” of the faithful spouse. He is not participating in their condemnation. I … Continue reading “Not condemned.”