It still feels strange for me to even speak about how my first marriage ended. I feel internal pressure and accusation as if speaking the facts means I have not forgiven her or am bitter. That’s a lie, by the way. But it is a hard one to shake growing up amidst a Christian subculture … Continue reading “PSA: Forgiveness does not have the power to alter historical facts!”
Category: Emotional Affair
The “not a problem” problem
“This is the way of an adulterous woman: She eats and wipes her mouth and says, ‘I’ve done nothing wrong.’” -Proverbs 30:20, NIV The “Not a Problem” Problem Some cheaters are so far gone that they genuinely see no problem in cheating. They have believed the lies “justifying” their wicked sins. This is a problem. … Continue reading “The “not a problem” problem”
Presuming too much?! Enough is enough.
Are you not to judge those inside [the church]? God will judge those outside. “Expel the wicked person from among you.” -I Corinthians 5:12b-13, NIV Is enough ever enough to stop enabling cheaters in the church? I am so thankful for God’s extravagant mercy and grace. It is what made the way for me to have … Continue reading “Presuming too much?! Enough is enough.”
Like a used tissue.
“I felt like a used piece of tissue paper. Just thrown away in the trash.” – Vineyard pastor The quote might not be exact. However, I will never forget the thrust of what she said. The message was unmistakable. This brave pastoral spouse shared to a young Vineyard Church about her experience of being sexually … Continue reading “Like a used tissue.”
Recalibrating Expectations: Marriage resurrection is not the norm.
….but the angel said, “Don’t be alarmed. You are looking for Jesus of Nazareth, who was crucified. He isn’t here! He is risen from the dead! Look, this is where they laid his body.” -Mark 16:6, NLT Resurrection is unexpected. It is not how things normally go. This is in part why Jesus coming back from … Continue reading “Recalibrating Expectations: Marriage resurrection is not the norm.”
No more condemnation for faithful spouses!
It is the Sovereign Lord who helps me. Who will condemn me? They will all wear out like a garment; the moths will eat them up. -Isaiah 50:9, NIV God is on the side of righteousness. In the case of adultery, that means God is on the “side” of the faithful spouse. He is not participating in their condemnation. I … Continue reading “No more condemnation for faithful spouses!”
Cheater-Speak: “My relationship with Andy has nothing to do with our marriage problems.”
Faithful Spouse: Who is Andy then? Cheater: A friend… You know, my relationship with Andy has nothing to do with our marriage problems. A cheater who is unwilling to admit any problems regarding the cheating is a cheater who has been given over to their sin. It really is that sadly simple. They cannot be … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “My relationship with Andy has nothing to do with our marriage problems.””
Hosea had a special call on his life from God!
When the Lord began to speak by Hosea, the Lord said to Hosea: “Go, take yourself a wife of harlotry And children of harlotry, For the land has committed great harlotry By departing from the Lord.” – Hosea 1:2, NKJV What strikes me as in the last post is how biblically educated men can miss how this was a very special call upon … Continue reading “Hosea had a special call on his life from God!”
Silencing of faithful spouses by the Christian community
May all who gloat over my distress be put to shame and confusion; may all who exalt themselves over me be clothed with shame and disgrace. -Psalm 35:25, NIV Churches and church leaders, generally speaking, are not good at giving faithful spouses a voice and reaffirming their agency. At least, that is my experience. What is common … Continue reading “Silencing of faithful spouses by the Christian community”
Truth can both free and punish
“But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.” -Matthew 12:36-37, NIV When reconstructing one’s narrative, truth can be both freeing and punishing. It is … Continue reading “Truth can both free and punish”