A person without self-control is like a city with broken-down walls. -Proverbs 25:28, NLT For God will never give you the spirit of fear, but the Holy Spirit who gives you mighty power, love, and self-control. -2 Timothy 1:7, TPT Some cheaters thrive off of provoking the faithful spouse to anger. I believe this. It … Continue reading “Cheaters as provokers. Don’t give them the satisfaction.”
Category: Forgiveness
Need to be assertive
After learning about the cheating, it is imperative to be assertive. This is why anger is helpful. I struggled with this one, honestly. The fear of the future and wishing to avoid divorce at all costs–initially–led me to make mistakes. The advice out there for Christians–especially–is generally unhelpful with this. It has a tendency to … Continue reading “Need to be assertive”
Made a humiliating list
When I was separated from my cheater, I made a list. It is humiliating looking back on it. I wrote up a list of reasons for why I wanted to stay married to her (even though, I knew she was a cheater). As you might have guessed, she responded to it with contempt. In part, … Continue reading “Made a humiliating list”
Validation LONG before Forgiveness talk
Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words. -Job 2:13, NLT Please do not underestimate how traumatic and disorienting discovering marital infidelity is! Speaking from my personal experience as well as from … Continue reading “Validation LONG before Forgiveness talk”
To love again
“There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies … Continue reading “To love again”
“Root of bitterness”
See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. Hebrews 12:15, NIV In order to avoid the discomfort of facing injustice and naming it as such, some Christians turn on faithful spouses calling them “bitter.” They are too spineless to … Continue reading ““Root of bitterness””
Familiar abusive approach
“I don’t want to hear any more about what he did to you. What we need to talk about is your NEED to forgive!” -Christian “friend” Some Christians seemed flummoxed by the faithful spouse’s recoil at such a response to their situation. What these “friends” fail to see is what they actually saying and doing … Continue reading “Familiar abusive approach”
The betrayed is Jesus!
23 For I received from the Lord what I also passed on to you: The Lord Jesus, on the night he was betrayed, took bread…. -I Corinthians 11:23, NIV (Emphasis mine) I was listening to a podcast the other day and was struck by this well-known passage. These words have been spoken for thousand of years … Continue reading “The betrayed is Jesus!”
Validation before talking forgiveness
Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words. -Job 2:13, NLT Please do not underestimate how traumatic and disorienting discovering marital infidelity is! Speaking from my personal experience as well as from … Continue reading “Validation before talking forgiveness”
Complications from “theft of reality”
I do not remember precisely where I read or heard the term “theft of reality.” Most likely, I came upon it through Chump Lady or one of the many books I have read on spiritual abuse. “Theft of reality” is a term used to describe how we–faithful spouses–experience a marital narrative with serious truth–and thereby … Continue reading “Complications from “theft of reality””