I work in hospice and have the opportunity to watch the poignant beauty of marriages that have lasted well past fifty years.* I say, “poignant” because I feel both awed by the sheer beauty of a couple still caring for each other after many decades together as well as sad by my own loss. Recently, … Continue reading “That dismembered feeling.”
Category: Grief
Dear DM, I want to reconcile, but…
Dear Divorce Minister, I married my husband after 1.5 years of dating, in church. Both of us were Christian or so I thought. After 9 months of marriage, when I was 36 weeks pregnant, my husband came back from an overseas trip and told me he cheated on me. He asked for a divorce. He … Continue reading “Dear DM, I want to reconcile, but…”
Grief resource for helping someone dealing with loss
So they sat down with him upon the ground seven days and seven nights, and none spake a word unto him: for they saw that his grief was very great. -Job 2:13, KJV Below is a little video teaching on how to support someone going through difficult losses. I could not help but think of … Continue reading “Grief resource for helping someone dealing with loss”
Need a safe place to fall apart.
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance…. -Ecclesiastes 3:4, KJV When a marriage ends, we need a space where we can be honest with our pain. Often times, that includes “the ugly cry.” I encourage you all to find a place where you can … Continue reading “Need a safe place to fall apart.”
Hope settled.
… and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. -Romans 5:4b-5a, NLT Sometimes, it is hard to hope. That makes sense. This is especially so in light of the devastating losses that come with divorce from a cheater. In these seasons, I find it important to remember … Continue reading “Hope settled.”
More than the individual spouse harmed!
Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words. -Job 2:13, NIV Just as the wedding day is a family event, the adultery discovery and divorce are felt by the same family as … Continue reading “More than the individual spouse harmed!”
Faithful spouses, God cries with you, too!
“God Weeps Too” by Eli–an obscure Christian artist from the 90s–is one of my favorite songs. While he does not name situations of infidelity survival, I love how he names God as one who weeps alongside the broken-hearted. This understanding of God coming alongside like a good parent or friend was important for me to … Continue reading “Faithful spouses, God cries with you, too!”
Another Anniversary
Today marks what would have been the thirteenth wedding anniversary with my first wife. Sometimes, this date passes without notice for me. Not this year, I had a rough weekend on the way to this anniversary. I cannot explain why in particular. That is how grief works. We do not dictate what we feel. Our … Continue reading “Another Anniversary”
Funny thing about grief…
The “funny” thing about grief is it has its own timetable. You might have thought you were “done” grieving your losses. In fact, you might actually be happy–cognitively–about being done with a crazy-acting cheater. Yet your head does not dictate this process. The heart has a way of getting its way. You cannot out run … Continue reading “Funny thing about grief…”
“Associated Losses” and Grieving the Divorce
The obvious loss with the divorce is the end of the marriage. However, we all know this loss is merely the tip of the loss iceberg. If we relied upon our cheater’s income, we loose financial security. We all loose money and material things both to obtain a divorce plus to divide up the marriage … Continue reading ““Associated Losses” and Grieving the Divorce”