The problem is adultery. The problem is abuse and deception. The problem is sin. Divorce is a just a poor proxy to these problems. I understand the concern about the pain divorce brings. It is an unpleasant experience. However, sometimes we have to go through an unpleasant experience to escape an even worse experience–i.e. an … Continue reading “I don’t see divorce as the problem.”
Category: Sin
Possible to repent? Sure. Likely? No.
As a dog returns to its vomit, so fools repeat their folly. -Proverbs 26:11, NIV Within the Christian community, so much pressure is placed upon faithful spouses to “reconcile” with their cheating partners. Sometimes lip service is given to the importance that the cheater has actually changed and will not cheat again. However, the general … Continue reading “Possible to repent? Sure. Likely? No.”
Speaking at Chumpalooza 1.0 in two weeks!
In two weeks, Chumpalooza 1.o kicks off in Maryland! I am so excited to be a part of this conference for faithful spouses–i.e. chumps–where I will get to put faces to online names. I am scheduled to give two talks at this event: 1. Moral Injury and Why Healing from It Can Be So Difficult … Continue reading “Speaking at Chumpalooza 1.0 in two weeks!”
Hold fast to truth!
“Everyone on the side of truth listens to me.” -John 18:37b, NIV Truth: You did not drive your spouse to cheat (and abandon you). Truth: You do not deserve to be abused, (and cheating is abuse.) Truth: Divorcing a cheater is not sin. Truth: Divorcing an unrepentant cheater is not dooming your kids; rather, you … Continue reading “Hold fast to truth!”
What an utter waste of time!
In my first marriage, we spent a significant amount of time going to couple’s therapy. This was done not because we were always troubled but for “preventative” maintenance. We even went to a marriage retreat before we got married. Generally speaking, those sessions were a waste of time and money. My second marriage has had … Continue reading “What an utter waste of time!”
Cheater-Speak: “She has nothing to do with us.”
“She (Affair Partner) has nothing to do with us,” says Cheater. Cheaters say this, and sadly, they believe it. They do not see how having an affair partner is a major problem for their marriage. In their minds, they have already believed the lie that they are entitled to this relationship. It has been–conveniently for … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “She has nothing to do with us.””
The betrayed is Jesus!
23 For I received from the Lord what I also passed on to you: The Lord Jesus, on the night he was betrayed, took bread…. -I Corinthians 11:23, NIV (Emphasis mine) I was listening to a podcast the other day and was struck by this well-known passage. These words have been spoken for thousand of years … Continue reading “The betrayed is Jesus!”
Validation before talking forgiveness
Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words. -Job 2:13, NLT Please do not underestimate how traumatic and disorienting discovering marital infidelity is! Speaking from my personal experience as well as from … Continue reading “Validation before talking forgiveness”
Complications from “theft of reality”
I do not remember precisely where I read or heard the term “theft of reality.” Most likely, I came upon it through Chump Lady or one of the many books I have read on spiritual abuse. “Theft of reality” is a term used to describe how we–faithful spouses–experience a marital narrative with serious truth–and thereby … Continue reading “Complications from “theft of reality””
Not right to put onus onto faithful spouse!
In those days John the Baptist came, preaching in the wilderness of Judea and saying, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near.” -Matthew 3:1-2, NIV “You got to fight for your marriage!” says Christian leader. I find it odd, these days, to think how the Christian community puts “saving the marriage” on the faithful spouse. … Continue reading “Not right to put onus onto faithful spouse!”