Why put the adultery victim on trial but not the cheater? One of the most backwards pieces in my ecclesiastical trial to retain my minister’s license was how I was on trial for being cheated on and divorced by my ex-wife. Even after such cheating and abandonment was established (my ex-wife was the one insisting … Continue reading “Why put the adultery victim on trial for being victimized?”
Category: Theology of divorce
The Pastoral Affirmation Need
A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out. -Isaiah 42:3a, NIV Divorce Minister exists to a great part because it speaks to a need I felt in my darkest days. The need for pastoral affirmation and support while going through infidelity discovery and divorce. When my marriage was … Continue reading “The Pastoral Affirmation Need”
On Divorcing an Addict
But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. -I Corinthians 7:15, NKJV What ought a Christian do if he or she is married to someone with an opioid or meth addiction? ***IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER*** I am not … Continue reading “On Divorcing an Addict”
Mailbag: Repeated Emotional Affairs
Dear Divorce Minister, My husband has had emotional affairs during our marriage and has physically cheated once during the dating time while in a serious committed relationship (which was disclosed to the me 9 years into our marriage). While he says he’s never crossed the line physically during the marriage, there has been a series … Continue reading “Mailbag: Repeated Emotional Affairs”
When “good” is not an option
Let her remove the adulterous look from her face and the unfaithfulness from between her breasts. -Hosea 2:2b, NIV What drives me nuts about how some pastors speak of divorce is how they assume a “good” option is left on the table for a faithful spouse. Sadly, following infidelity this just isn’t the case! The faithful … Continue reading “When “good” is not an option”
Mars Hill Church, Mark Driscoll, Shame-Based Teaching, and My First Marriage
***Pastor Mark Driscoll is popping back up in the church world and in the media (see here). I thought this would be a good time to run this post again–with minor edits–to talk about the very personal damage I experienced as a result of his distorted theological teachings.*** “But if any provide not for … Continue reading “Mars Hill Church, Mark Driscoll, Shame-Based Teaching, and My First Marriage”
Have you forgiven your ex?
“Have you forgiven your ex-wife?” -Inquiring Christian Let’s assume this person has not already passed judgment and condemned you as “bitter.” In other words, they are asking this question in good faith and out of genuine love for you. My response would be: What do you mean by “forgiven?” The answer to this question will … Continue reading “Have you forgiven your ex?”
I count three…
“I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust at a young woman.” -Job 31:1, NLT Looking back upon old emails around the time of my marriage’s demise, I am struck by how little was made of–what I now consider–my (now ex) wife’s emotionally inappropriate relationships with other men. And it was not … Continue reading “I count three…”
Addressing Anti-Clerical Sentiments
Elders who do their work well should be respected and paid well, especially those who work hard at both preaching and teaching. -I Timothy 5:17, NLT But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to … Continue reading “Addressing Anti-Clerical Sentiments”
The Struggle to Let Go
Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. -John 12:24, NIV Letting go of a marriage ravaged by infidelity is hard. I think it is made doubly so–unfortunately–in Christian communities because of all … Continue reading “The Struggle to Let Go”