“I will place shepherds over them who will tend them, and they will no longer be afraid or terrified, nor will any be missing,” declares the Lord. -Jeremiah 23:4, NIV When going through adultery discovery and divorce, it is hard to know which pastor to trust. Does this one care more for “saving” my marriage or … Continue reading “A good pastor eases fears”
Author: Divorce Minister
Please, do not give up on God!
Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. -James 1:12, NIV The temptation to give up on God is great when going through the spiritual abuse that often comes with a divorce from a … Continue reading “Please, do not give up on God!”
Cheater-Speak: “I’m afraid of you.”
“I’m afraid of you,” says Cheater. This is usually a very effective manipulation by a usually female cheater. It is designed to garner instant sympathy from outsiders. You are generally not going to argue with someone who claims to feel unsafe. The problem is how this is a lie. Many of these cheaters will say … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “I’m afraid of you.””
PSA: Not you, faithful spouse!
When a cheater cheats, it is important to understand that such behavior has nothing to do with you, faithful spouse. It is about the cheater’s character. These sinful actions are the overflow of wickedness in the cheater’s heart (see Mark 7:21-23). Do not let a pastor or a cheater or a counselor convince you otherwise! … Continue reading “PSA: Not you, faithful spouse!”
The real “pretending”
“I can’t keep pretending about our marriage!” cries Cheater. What I find interesting, now, about such a statement is how twisted it is. The Cheater is so self-deceived to think they are being “honest” by breaking their most sacred vows. If anything is “pretending,” it is the Cheater pretending NOT to be off the market … Continue reading “The real “pretending””
Communication problem? Not how it seems.
The only “communication” issue needing addressing stat is the absolute, verified ending the affair. A cheater can keep a pastor and faithful spouse chasing random rabbit trails for a very long time if they are convinced the marriage issues are anything other than ending the affair. Lot of energy can be lost focusing on secondary … Continue reading “Communication problem? Not how it seems.”
Weirdness of grief
Grief is weird. It shows up on its own schedule. Sometimes, it blindsides you out of nowhere. Yesterday, I was driving through the campus of my old college where I had met my ex-wife. Suddenly, the wave of memories from my life there hit me. I cannot say what was specifically triggering the tears. But … Continue reading “Weirdness of grief”
Selfishness as demonic
15 For jealousy and selfishness are not God’s kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and demonic. 16 For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind. -James 3:15-16, NLT Selfishness as Demonic Few acts are as selfish as cheating. The cheater only sees the immediate gratification they … Continue reading “Selfishness as demonic”
Look for godliness as priority in pastoral care
“Let’s set aside the affair for a moment. We need to work on your marriage. You each have problems you need to own.” -Pastor/Christian Counselor If a version comes out of your pastors or counselor’s mouth, it is time to find a new pastor or counselor. They are dangerously clueless. Fidelity is a bedrock for … Continue reading “Look for godliness as priority in pastoral care”
What that verse on revenge does NOT say…
Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, “Vengeance is mine; I will repay,” saith the Lord. -Romans 12:19, KJV I find this verse instructive as it comes to forgiving cheaters. First, it tells us to release to God our fantasies of taking revenge on our abusers. Many … Continue reading “What that verse on revenge does NOT say…”