“Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.” -Luke 17:3, NKJV “Did you rebuke her?” This question never came up in my ecclesiastical trial to retain my ministerial credentials.* They were quick to ask me about “forgiveness,” yet they did not ask this important question as far as … Continue reading ““Have you rebuked her?””
Author: Divorce Minister
“I forgive you.”
“I forgive you.” Are these words always a good thing to hear? Are they always spoken as an expression of virtue or can they conceal venom? When you are dealing with a spiritually abusive individual, these are words they may use to continue the abuse. They are hijacking the concept of “forgiveness” to put you … Continue reading ““I forgive you.””
Why bother to blame?
“For I, the LORD, love justice. I hate robbery and wrongdoing. I will faithfully reward my people for their suffering and make an everlasting covenant with them.” -Isaiah 61:8, NLT When I was going through my ecclesiastical trial to keep my ministerial credentials, someone I trusted asked me why my former denomination was so fixated … Continue reading “Why bother to blame?”
“Never Divorce” Stance harms faithful spouse agency
She saw that I divorced faithless Israel because of her adultery. -Jeremiah 3:8a, NLT The never-divorce stance of some Christians and pastors puts faithful spouses in a very passive position. They just have to take the abuse. Something is fundamentally wrong with one’s theology when accepting (and enabling, even) sin is what is taught. One … Continue reading ““Never Divorce” Stance harms faithful spouse agency”
Reverse victim “games” of cheaters
What is amazing is how cheaters can play the victim while they are actively abusing their own spouse via lying and cheating. The faithful spouse might spend a whole series of counseling sessions with a pastor and their cheater never knowing about the infidelity. These meetings turn into faithful spouse basing sessions. It is sick. … Continue reading “Reverse victim “games” of cheaters”
That sickening, shocked feeling…
When even a cheater spouse announces divorce, the feeling can be devastating. I know that is how I felt when my ex made the announcement about seeing a divorce attorney. The loss of dreams, security, and future are incredible. It is not surprising such news can put a faithful spouse in shock. Shock is a … Continue reading “That sickening, shocked feeling…”
Meditating on my pet’s love
What do you do to calm yourself when you feel anxious? I usually get anxious when a medical provider is taking my blood pressure. The fear of “failing” this test just makes it a self-fulfilling prophecy as my anxiety rises and with it, my blood pressure. Telling myself to “calm down” just doesn’t work. What … Continue reading “Meditating on my pet’s love”
Divorce needs to be a real option!
And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also. -Jeremiah 3:8, KJV Oddly, pastors and Christian counselors have been known to make the faithful spouse … Continue reading “Divorce needs to be a real option!”
“Bad Christian” Sure…
“You’re a ‘bad Christian’ for not doing ….” -Cheater This shaming label used to make me jump to do my ex and others’ bidding. I did not want to be seen as a “bad Christian.” Then I wised up to the source. I stopped seeking that source’s approval and validation. Is an unrepentant adulteress really … Continue reading ““Bad Christian” Sure…”
A mismatch
Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? -2 Corinthians 6:14, KJV Whether one is abandoned or cheated on or both, the reality for faithful spouses is as stark as this verse from 2 Corinthians paints it. Light cannot fellowship with … Continue reading “A mismatch”