For I have heard the slander of many: fear was on every side: while they took counsel together against me, they devised to take away my life. -Psalm 31:13, KJV Some cheaters are especially skillful manipulators. They can keep up a double life for months if not years! While living these lies, they suck others … Continue reading “Cheaters weaponizing “friends””
Author: Divorce Minister
Faithful spouses, you are awesome!
After months, years, or even decades of emotional beat-downs, faithful spouses often struggle in knowing their incredible worth. We discount our gifts, abilities, and precious status in God’s eyes. Faithful spouses, you are an incredible bunch! The stories I hear and the people I have met through this ministry confirms this fact to me. I … Continue reading “Faithful spouses, you are awesome!”
Accusations of image manipulations
Cheaters sometimes accuse faithful spouses of their own (hidden) behavior. A common one I have heard is the cheater accusing the faithful spouse of cheating! This happens while they are actually the ones cheating. It is crazy! As this post suggests, a cheater might accuse the faithful spouse of duping their family and close friends while … Continue reading “Accusations of image manipulations”
If only half the energy used to condemn divorcees were redirected to condemn adultery….
Notice how some Christians feel completely free to share condemning opinions about divorce with faithful spouses but suddenly become silent regarding adultery with cheaters? It is so odd. The same people who wouldn’t DARE confront your cheater over her infidelity are the same crowd probing or condemning you for choosing divorce. They behave as if “Thou … Continue reading “If only half the energy used to condemn divorcees were redirected to condemn adultery….”
Yes, FOO issues probably need work, but…
Yes, Family of Origin (FOO) issues probably need work in the cheater, but… …those issues NEVER excuse cheating! I have little doubt most cheaters have skeletons in their family closets. They likely have secrets and traumas left unaddressed. None of those are excuses for cheating. Being sinned against does not give us permission to sin. … Continue reading “Yes, FOO issues probably need work, but…”
Staying power of kindness
David asked, “Is there anyone still left of the house of Saul to whom I can show kindness for Jonathan’s sake?” -2 Samuel 9:1, NIV As faithful spouses, we deal with a lot of betrayals as we go through the valleys of infidelity discovery and divorce. For many of us, we also experience kindness from … Continue reading “Staying power of kindness”
DM’s take on the ethics of AAMFT
Thou shalt not commit adultery. -Exodus 20:14, KJV Divorce Minister’s Take On the Ethics of AAMFT For those who are unfamiliar, the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) is a–if not THE— major professional association for marriage therapists in the United States. You can read their ethics statement by clicking (here). Today’s post … Continue reading “DM’s take on the ethics of AAMFT”
She said she would never….
She said she would would never cheat on me. No matter how difficult the marriage became, we were (supposedly) committed to each other. Cheating was not on the table. You see this is what makes infidelity so hard to believe. Cheating flies in the face of explicit promises made by the faithful spouse–husband or wife. … Continue reading “She said she would never….”
Practical advice for healing and finding peace
“…and the truth shall make you free.” -John 8:32b, KJV Two Practical Strategies for Peace* When I was recovering from my divorce from my cheater, two particular strategies helped me the most. 1. Identify the “handles,” “triggers,” or otherwise unwanted labels/identities that you vehemently are trying to avoid. An effective manipulator is able to hone … Continue reading “Practical advice for healing and finding peace”
Conversation as domination
“We NEVER talk!” cries the cheater (in a conversation with their spouse). Cheaters say one thing and really mean another. The arguments they fight with faithful spouses are less about what they say and more about domination. It is not that faithful spouses will not talk but rather faithful spouses do not agree with what the cheater … Continue reading “Conversation as domination”