“If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them.” -Luke 17:3b, NIV (emphasis mine) You are wasting your time with a cheater if they are not repenting. The sinful behavior will continue with all its abuse without this critical change. Please, faithful spouse, do not settle for less … Continue reading “Repentance is the price of admission.”
Category: Emotional Affair
Get out of the wicked cycle
Anyone recognize the following cycle? Cheat. Cheater says, “It was a ‘cry for help.’ [Insert favorite blame directed at faithful spouse].” Cheat, again. Cheater says, “Our marriage problems have nothing to do with [affair partner]. You know that you [insert favorite blame directed at faithful spouse].” Continues cheating. This cycle is nothing new. Cheaters do … Continue reading “Get out of the wicked cycle”
Trivializing pain: “Stuff happens.”
Me: “I got divorced. Then I had to go through a trial with my denomination to keep my license.” Friend: “Don’t they realize that stuff happens.” I do not recommend the “stuff happens” response to someone whose marriage has been blown up by adultery. While I appreciate this friend’s effort to be understanding, the stance … Continue reading “Trivializing pain: “Stuff happens.””
Please, get tested for STDs!
One of the most humiliating aspects of dealing with a cheater is this need to know. If a cheater is unwilling to submit to STD tests, then you have your answer as to how repentant they are–i.e. not at all. It is rather low hanging fruit–so to speak–for a cheater to provide scientifically verified assurance … Continue reading “Please, get tested for STDs!”
Cheater-Speak: “We NEVER talk!”
“We NEVER talk!” cries Cheater. The irony about this sort of statement from a cheater is how their own failure to talk with the faithful spouse is by design. Whether emotional or physical or both, the affair was a relationship cloaked in secrecy. The cheater did not communicate this critical information–namely their cheating–to the faithful spouse. Yet, now, … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “We NEVER talk!””
Divorce is NOT the enemy! Sin is.
But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. -Matthew 5:28, NLT Public Service Announcement: Divorce is NOT the enemy. Sin IS! A pet peeve of mine is hearing pastors talk about the tragedy of divorce as if this the problem. Such talk … Continue reading “Divorce is NOT the enemy! Sin is.”
A shot at reconciliation denied.
Peace. One of the things that gave me peace–after some time of healing–about my first marriage ending was that I gave it a shot. I left the door open to a godly reconciliation. Once I knew about the adultery, I kicked the ball back into her court. I gave her the option of repenting from … Continue reading “A shot at reconciliation denied.”
They do not really care about you!
“I never intended to hurt you,” says Cheater. This statement is either from someone who is lying boldly to your face or by someone who sucks at connecting their actions to consequences. In neither instance are they a good person to be around. They may be lying to more than just you in making this … Continue reading “They do not really care about you!”
Dumb Stuff “Christians” Say Regarding Cheating Situations
Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues. -Proverbs 17:28 More Christians could learn from that fool from Proverbs 17:28 who held his tongue when it comes to marriages ravaged by adultery. Sadly, the advice (and condemnation) come all too freely for faithful spouses. Here a few … Continue reading “Dumb Stuff “Christians” Say Regarding Cheating Situations”
Cheater-Speak: “I’m afraid of you.”
“I’m afraid of you,” says Cheater. This is usually a very effective manipulation by a usually female cheater. It is designed to garner instant sympathy from outsiders. You are generally not going to argue with someone who claims to feel unsafe. The problem is how this is a lie. Many of these cheaters will say … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “I’m afraid of you.””