Aaron and Hur held his hands up—one on one side, one on the other—so that his hands remained steady till sunset. -Exodus 17:12b, NIV This verse comes from a story about a battle where the Israelites were winning as long as Moses kept his arms raised. Obviously, Moses’ arms got weary. When he grew tired, … Continue reading “Who is your Hur? Your Aaron?”
2 questions behind the questions
Two Questions Behind the Questions: 1. “Did you deserve the abandonment or being cheated on?” 2. “Did you learn your “lesson(s)” from being cheated on/divorced?” What a messed up world we live in where Christians are given a free pass to probe a soul rape victim with questions about what he or she has learned … Continue reading “2 questions behind the questions”
Denials of Cheaters
You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires…. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies. -John 8:44a,c, NIV Ever get the denial? The cheater is caught red-handed. She knows the jig is up, but she goes ahead … Continue reading “Denials of Cheaters”
Fill my heart with joy!
So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals. -Genesis 2:20, NIV From the beginning, God made us to live with creatures He placed on the earth. We were designed to be around animals, caring for them. So, it is no surprise to me that … Continue reading “Fill my heart with joy!”
Reminding self: Why would you want that back?!
Forgiveness is not the same thing as forgetting. In fact, I would suggest “forgetting” is just “denial” by another name. What helped me in both forgiving and moving on from my ex-wife was writing out what she actually did. Having this list in mind is very useful. Such a list is helpful in dealing with … Continue reading “Reminding self: Why would you want that back?!”
Yo, it’s not me. It’s you!
-When the blame-shifting starts… -When the pastor or counselor suggests you drove the cheater to it by doing… -When the cheater whines, “Why!” to the divorce… “It’s not me; it’s you.” Stop wasting your time on figuring out what you did to “deserve” this. You did not deserve it! Your action or inaction did … Continue reading “Yo, it’s not me. It’s you!”
Validation needs to come long before forgiveness talk
Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words. -Job 2:13, NLT Please do not underestimate how traumatic and disorienting discovering marital infidelity is! Speaking from my personal experience as well as from … Continue reading “Validation needs to come long before forgiveness talk”
Wish I would be invited to teach seminary students on adultery and divorce
If I could write my own ticket, I would teach a seminary class on helping adultery victims and holding cheaters accountable. -Included in this class would be a primer on how divorce is not always sin as well as how divorce can be a mercy to victims of infidelity. Anger and ire ought to be … Continue reading “Wish I would be invited to teach seminary students on adultery and divorce”
Good is coming!
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. -Romans 8:28, KJV I know this verse is twisted against faithful spouses all too often. Well-meaning yet hurtful Christians quote this verse at the traumatized faithful spouse as a means … Continue reading “Good is coming!”
Assertive training not over!
When Cephas came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face, because he stood condemned. -Galatians 2:11, NIV If you are like me, one of the problems I brought to my first marriage was a lack of assertiveness. The temptation to become passive and then resentful was a cycle I found too easy to feed. I rarely … Continue reading “Assertive training not over!”