“I gave your master’s house to you, and your master’s wives into your arms. I gave you all Israel and Judah. And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more.” -2 Samuel 12:8, NIV What do we make of God saying that He would have given King David more … Continue reading “Loophole? OT Polygamy.”
Category: Trauma of adultery
Opening one’s heart takes courage
It takes courage to open up one’s heart. For a while, I have been selective where I work and interact about to whom I have shared the part of my story where my first marriage ended. People sometimes react oddly to such disclosures. And not everyone needs to know. A common response that I have … Continue reading “Opening one’s heart takes courage”
Impulsive divorce? Hardly.
And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce…. -Jeremiah 3:8a, KJV What I find curious in cases with adultery is how the Christian community is so quick to press against the faithful spouse choosing divorce as if this … Continue reading “Impulsive divorce? Hardly.”
“What about their soul?”
“What about their soul? You could win them back by how you respond,” says well-meaning, naive Christian. This burden is unfair. There is enough pressure on faithful spouses. They don’t need more spiritual shaming. Faithful spouses are Jesus. They do not save souls. Only Jesus can do this. It is spiritually unhealthy to suggest otherwise. Just … Continue reading ““What about their soul?””
Have to choose!
After discovering an inappropriate relationship, a strong indicator over the repentant nature of the cheater is how they handle that relationship going forward. They must choose: Is their marriage more important than this fantasy-fling or is this illicit relationship more important to them? A cheater who stays “friends” with their affair partner is telling faithful … Continue reading “Have to choose!”
Good Friday Reminder–Jesus understands!
He was despised and rejected by men, a man of deep sorrows who was no stranger to suffering and grief. We hid our faces from him in disgust and considered him a nobody, not worthy of respect. -Isaiah 53:3, TPT During this Holy Week, I think it important to write a reminder about Jesus. This is a … Continue reading “Good Friday Reminder–Jesus understands!”
Decided not to call
I discovered many calls and texts between my (now) ex-wife and her adultery partner. They were at all times of the day and night. One of my counselors asked if I was interested in calling the Other Man (OM). I really was not interested. Looking back, I think I did not want to engage this … Continue reading “Decided not to call”
Why are you exhorting the faithful spouse to forgive?
Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. -Romans 12:15, NKJV What astounds me about some Christians is how they believe they are helping faithful spouses by telling them that they must forgive their cheater. Most of us–faithful spouses–already understand forgiving our cheater is on the docket of things to do in … Continue reading “Why are you exhorting the faithful spouse to forgive?”
Downright dangerous lie
“The affair has nothing to do with our marriage problems.” -Lying Cheater This is a very dangerous lie. Various people may say this. The cheater may say this, and sometimes, sadly, pastors or other counselors may say this. Sadly, they may even believe the lie. The lie is dangerous, because it takes the focus off … Continue reading “Downright dangerous lie”
No hope? Self-fulfilling cheater prophecy.
“I just do not have any hope for our marriage.” -Cheater Ironically, faithful spouses are usually the ones who are accused of giving up on the marriage. The reality is that the cheater gave up on the marriage the moment they decided to violate their marriage vows. Plus, many of us–I suspect–sat in the counseling … Continue reading “No hope? Self-fulfilling cheater prophecy.”