Cheaters have no shame. So, it is no surprise that some Cheaters will use therapy* ideas to further attack the faithful spouse. This is especially true in situations where you have a bad therapist or pastor. In other words, some are so disordered that they will take tools discovered in the counseling session to further … Continue reading “Beware of Cheaters weaponizing therapy”
Category: Trauma of adultery
A slip of Truth
“But if you fail to do this, you will be sinning against the Lord; and you may be sure that your sin will find you out.” -Numbers 32:23, NIV A slip. An admission is made. The veil of lies is lifted for a brief moment of truth-telling. Then it is back to the old games of … Continue reading “A slip of Truth”
Please, do NOT take your cheater’s marriage advice!
Why do we take advice from an unrepentant cheater? I know I am not the only one who did. At least, I did this for a time. I opened myself up to her criticism as if she was qualified to identify “the problems.” This likely comes from a desperation to “save the marriage.” A solution … Continue reading “Please, do NOT take your cheater’s marriage advice!”
Obscuring religious language
“I only say this because I love you…” -Cheater-Apologist “For your own good, I hope you have forgiven them.” -Concerned Christian I cannot stand people who use the name of Christ to manipulate other Christians. This is the result of my experiences around the dissolution of my first marriage. I sadly encountered many “Christians” professing … Continue reading “Obscuring religious language”
On “godly sorrow”
Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. – 2 Cor. 7:10, NIV When you see the fruit of advice destroying someone or yourself, you are seeing something bringing death as this verse tells us. This is not from God. God is not one who came … Continue reading “On “godly sorrow””
Wanting to rehash the marriage
Some cheaters will come back around and attempt to reconnect with their faithful partner after the divorce. They may want to rehash what happened in the marriage. This is just a recipe for abuse for the faithful partner. Do NOT take the bait! A repentant cheater would put action to their sorry. They wouldn’t try … Continue reading “Wanting to rehash the marriage”
No good out of the “what if’s”
“What if what the cheater is saying about me is true?!” -frets the faithful spouse This is a destructive “What if?” Faithful spouses stuck in this “What if?” are in real danger of spiritual and emotional destruction. They are allowing the daggers of cheater lies dig deeper into their heart. My encouragement is to remember … Continue reading “No good out of the “what if’s””
Preaching “Thou Shalt Not Divorce” as if part of Ten Commandments!
Thou shalt not commit adultery. -Exodus 20:14, KJV A pet peeve of mine these days is hearing fellow pastors condemn divorce from the pulpit. It might come in the form of a lament of people going “the easy way.” Some might be bold enough to call out divorce as “evil.” The odd thing is they … Continue reading “Preaching “Thou Shalt Not Divorce” as if part of Ten Commandments!”
Why support is so thin for faithful spouses–aka adultery victims
“It is very tempting to take the side of the perpetrator. All the perpetrator asks is that the bystander do nothing. He appeals to the universal desire to see, hear, and speak no evil. The victim, on the contrary, asks the bystander to share the burden of pain. The victim demands action, engagement, and remembering.” … Continue reading “Why support is so thin for faithful spouses–aka adultery victims”
Beware of ethics stance at AAMFT!
Thou shalt not commit adultery. -Exodus 20:14, KJV Divorce Minister’s Take On the Ethics of AAMFT For those who are unfamiliar, the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) is a–if not THE— major professional association for marriage therapists in the United States. You can read their ethics statement by clicking (here). Today’s post … Continue reading “Beware of ethics stance at AAMFT!”