Category: Trauma of adultery

Wanting it all back to “normal”

18 Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. 19 Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert. -Isaiah 43:18-19, KJV When the news broke for me, I remember driving … Continue reading “Wanting it all back to “normal””

Divorcing a cheater is NOT about revenge

And Joseph her husband, being a righteous man and not wanting to disgrace her, planned [to divorce her] secretly. -Matthew 1:19, NASB (footnoted alternate translation used in brackets) Do we consider a rape victim “hurt and vengeful” for choosing to have her rapist prosecuted for his crime? I wouldn’t. It is a matter of justice … Continue reading “Divorcing a cheater is NOT about revenge”

Spouse improvement lists from the adulterous

Cheaters sometimes come with the faithful spouse to a pastor (or Christian marriage counselor) with a list. This is a list designed to excuse their behavior and keep the focus off their own sin. Many take the bait. We, faithful spouses, think that if we do the requested self-improvements then we can save our marriage. … Continue reading “Spouse improvement lists from the adulterous”

Cheater concern about you never “getting over it.”

“If we stayed married, you’d always hold this over my head,” says Cheater. Cheater Concern About You Never “Getting Over It” What I find interesting about this response is how the Cheater shows he or she understands the infidelity has forever impacted the marriage. They understand that they cannot go back to how things were. … Continue reading “Cheater concern about you never “getting over it.””

Preying on your desperation

After discovering infidelity, I bet many of us went into overdrive to figure out how to “save” our marriages. It is the rare faithful spouse who refuses to demean themselves further by chasing after the cheater (and the marriage) immediately. Especially, as a Christian, I think it is rare to level consequences at the start … Continue reading “Preying on your desperation”

Remember: God’s got you!

Fear of man will prove to be a snare,     but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe. -Proverbs 29:25, NIV People will likely talk. Sure. Even–maybe especially–“Christian” people with issues with you getting a divorce from your cheater. However… Do not allow the “fear of man” to paralyze you. That fear is what will get you snared in … Continue reading “Remember: God’s got you!”

When a cheater claims the marriage was “toxic”

Thou shalt not commit adultery. -Exodus 20:14, KJV Did I miss something? When I read this verse–part of the Ten Commandments–I don’t see where it says, “Thou shalt not commit adultery unless [you believe] your marriage is a toxic relationship.” I don’t see it because it is NOT there! This is an especially lame cheater excuse or … Continue reading “When a cheater claims the marriage was “toxic””

Worthless Words

Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing. -Proverbs 12:18, NLT Please, faithful spouse, do not rely upon the words of your cheater for your identity (or healing)! A cheater is a liar as one cannot cheat without lying. This calls all their words into question. Knowing this about them … Continue reading “Worthless Words”

Godly and reasonable to expect the cheating to stop!

Let her remove the adulterous look from her face     and the unfaithfulness from between her breasts. -Hosea 2:2b, NIV Restored, godly marriages resurrected after the destruction of adultery are rare. Cheaters would have to change character for this to happen. Such change is painful and hard. That is not the path most cheaters take. Shortcuts are … Continue reading “Godly and reasonable to expect the cheating to stop!”