The only “communication” issue needing addressing stat is the absolute, verified ending the affair. A cheater can keep a pastor and faithful spouse chasing random rabbit trails for a very long time if they are convinced the marriage issues are anything other than ending the affair. Lot of energy can be lost focusing on secondary … Continue reading “Communication problem? Not how it seems.”
Category: Trauma of adultery
Look for godliness as priority in pastoral care
“Let’s set aside the affair for a moment. We need to work on your marriage. You each have problems you need to own.” -Pastor/Christian Counselor If a version comes out of your pastors or counselor’s mouth, it is time to find a new pastor or counselor. They are dangerously clueless. Fidelity is a bedrock for … Continue reading “Look for godliness as priority in pastoral care”
What that verse on revenge does NOT say…
Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, “Vengeance is mine; I will repay,” saith the Lord. -Romans 12:19, KJV I find this verse instructive as it comes to forgiving cheaters. First, it tells us to release to God our fantasies of taking revenge on our abusers. Many … Continue reading “What that verse on revenge does NOT say…”
I sold the bedroom furniture.
“… Steve ‘sterilized’ his house, repainting inside and out, laying new carpets, hanging new pictures on the walls and buying new furniture. Others have burned photographs, thrown away clothes, and smashed personal belongings.” -Michael Fox, Ph.D., The Emotional Rape Syndrome, pp 22. I sold the bedroom furniture. Before I moved halfway across the country, I decided … Continue reading “I sold the bedroom furniture.”
Real love is a choice.
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” -John 13:34, NIV Jesus is not commanding our feelings. That would not make sense. Our emotions just are. A command implies a choice to do or not to do something. That means we have a choice–i.e. … Continue reading “Real love is a choice.”
People who avoid talking about it….
As for you, you smear me with lies. As physicians, you are worthless quacks. -Job 13:4, NLT The “friend” who tells you to ignore the cheating is not giving good advice. They also fail to understand how traumatic the experience is. I wonder if such people are embarrassed by being duped by the Cheater. That … Continue reading “People who avoid talking about it….”
Another level of evil!
For the land is full of adultery, and it lies under a curse. The land itself is in mourning— its wilderness pastures are dried up. For they all do evil and abuse what power they have. -Jeremiah 23:10,NLT When the cheater is a pastor or “Christian” counselor, it brings another layer of evil to the … Continue reading “Another level of evil!”
Cheaters assume, too much.
“Please pay no attention, my lord, to that wicked man Nabal. He is just like his name—his name means Fool, and folly goes with him.” -I Samuel 25:25a, NIV Cheaters just assume. They presume. They assume that you will roll over and do their bidding. Cheaters do not think we have a backbone…probably because we … Continue reading “Cheaters assume, too much.”
Cheaters blaming others reveals their own character flaws.
What cheaters often miss while blaming faithful spouses or their marriage conditions is how such behavior reveals them. A normal, godly person does not cheat in response to typical marriage disappointments. That is not as option on the table for a righteous person. This is the main difference between the cheater and the faithful spouse … Continue reading “Cheaters blaming others reveals their own character flaws.”
Put the shovel down!
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!” -Isaiah 43:18-19a, NIV Sometimes ruminating on the past just inflicts more suffering. Not doing this is easier said than done, of course. We do need space to tell our stories plus acknowledge what happened actually happened. That is … Continue reading “Put the shovel down!”