An adulterous woman consumes a man, then wipes her mouth and says, “What’s wrong with that?” -Proverbs 30:20, NLT I am convinced some cheaters have so blocked off parts of their lives that they genuinely believe the lies they tell to their partners. They believe God is good with them. Their dark other life–or lives–are … Continue reading “Split Selves”
Category: Cheating
Make the rules
Cheaters believe they get to make the rules. This is part of the reason they go into a rage when they discover court consequences. The control is no longer theirs. It isn’t a high school break up. Part of “justifying” their sins is making up rules that “excuse” it. These are rules like “we weren’t … Continue reading “Make the rules”
False Hope Enables Cheaters Abuse
Sharing only testimonies of reconciled and restored marriages following adultery… …feeds false hope in “reconciliation” for faithful spouses dealing with unrepentant cheaters. Show of hands. How many here thought their marriage was going to “make it” and then you would have a testimony about marriage reconciliation to share with others? I know I did. The … Continue reading “False Hope Enables Cheaters Abuse”
Masterful Manipulators
Masterful Manipulators It helps to recognize our cheaters may be masterful manipulators. These are individuals who know how to play people to do what they want them to do. Some cheaters can even confess to cheating to a pastor and counselor and then somehow make the session about how bad their spouse is! Obviously, you … Continue reading “Masterful Manipulators”
You do NOT have to take the lecture!
You do not have to take the lecture from the morally bankrupt Cheater. Walk away. Hang up the phone. End the session. A responsible pastor would do this for you in a session. Minimally, the pastor would correct the Cheater. However, you do not have to be passive in these situations. You have agency! If … Continue reading “You do NOT have to take the lecture!”
Still getting demands
If your cheater is still making demands…. …then you can be assured that they are not really sorry about cheating and did not really “get” the devastation of their sin against you. A person who cheats and grasps how awful a betrayal it is will not then turn on the faithful party to make relationship … Continue reading “Still getting demands”
Cheater-Speak: “But I protected YOUR reputation!”
“But I protected YOUR reputation with our friends,” says Cheater. The manipulation is the Cheater expects the “same” in return. (I use scare quotes as I doubt the Cheater actually did this.) They assume here the faithful spouse will lie for the cheater in order to make them look good to their mutual friends. I … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “But I protected YOUR reputation!””
Not really the choice
Even a faithful spouse “choosing” to divorce their cheater is really not the choice. They had chosen to be married for life to a person who left all others. However, that person decided to change things. They chose adultery. That just left bad options for the faithful spouse. The faithful spouse choosing divorce is a person … Continue reading “Not really the choice”
Surprise Anger
She should have begged. I was thinking about the time my now ex-wife admitted to her cheating. She was crying crocodile tears over the phone. These were not tears for me but rather manipulative tears. At the end of her cheating admission, she wanted me to know her cheating wasn’t the reason for her divorcing … Continue reading “Surprise Anger”
Two Big Pastoral Errors
After the Lord had said these things to Job, he said to Eliphaz the Temanite, “I am angry with you and your two friends, because you have not spoken the truth about me, as my servant Job has….” -Job 42:7, NIV Over and over, I see two common pastoral errors in “helping” faithful spouses. They … Continue reading “Two Big Pastoral Errors”