Why do we take advice from an unrepentant cheater? I know I am not the only one who did. At least, I did this for a time. I opened myself up to her criticism as if she was qualified to identify “the problems.” This likely comes from a desperation to “save the marriage.” A solution … Continue reading “Please, do NOT take your cheater’s marriage advice!”
Category: Emotional Affair
Obscuring religious language
“I only say this because I love you…” -Cheater-Apologist “For your own good, I hope you have forgiven them.” -Concerned Christian I cannot stand people who use the name of Christ to manipulate other Christians. This is the result of my experiences around the dissolution of my first marriage. I sadly encountered many “Christians” professing … Continue reading “Obscuring religious language”
On “godly sorrow”
Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. – 2 Cor. 7:10, NIV When you see the fruit of advice destroying someone or yourself, you are seeing something bringing death as this verse tells us. This is not from God. God is not one who came … Continue reading “On “godly sorrow””
Wanting to rehash the marriage
Some cheaters will come back around and attempt to reconnect with their faithful partner after the divorce. They may want to rehash what happened in the marriage. This is just a recipe for abuse for the faithful partner. Do NOT take the bait! A repentant cheater would put action to their sorry. They wouldn’t try … Continue reading “Wanting to rehash the marriage”
Failures in counseling
You, however, smear me with lies; you are worthless physicians, all of you! -Job 13:4, NIV One of the more infuriating things about looking back on my first marriage’s demise is how awful the counselors were! These were professionals who were worse than worthless. They enabled an entitlement mentality by my cheater and aided in her … Continue reading “Failures in counseling”
Preaching “Thou Shalt Not Divorce” as if part of Ten Commandments!
Thou shalt not commit adultery. -Exodus 20:14, KJV A pet peeve of mine these days is hearing fellow pastors condemn divorce from the pulpit. It might come in the form of a lament of people going “the easy way.” Some might be bold enough to call out divorce as “evil.” The odd thing is they … Continue reading “Preaching “Thou Shalt Not Divorce” as if part of Ten Commandments!”
Yes, the cheater probably has a messed up past…
Yes, Family of Origin (FOO) issues probably need work in the cheater, but… …those issues NEVER excuse cheating! I have little doubt most cheaters have skeletons in their family closets. They likely have secrets and traumas left unaddressed. None of those are excuses for cheating. Being sinned against does not give us permission to sin. … Continue reading “Yes, the cheater probably has a messed up past…”
Beware of ethics stance at AAMFT!
Thou shalt not commit adultery. -Exodus 20:14, KJV Divorce Minister’s Take On the Ethics of AAMFT For those who are unfamiliar, the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) is a–if not THE— major professional association for marriage therapists in the United States. You can read their ethics statement by clicking (here). Today’s post … Continue reading “Beware of ethics stance at AAMFT!”
But she said she would never…
She said she would would never cheat on me. No matter how difficult the marriage became, we were (supposedly) committed to each other. Cheating was not on the table. You see this is what makes infidelity so hard to believe. Cheating flies in the face of explicit promises made by the faithful spouse–husband or wife. … Continue reading “But she said she would never…”
Reason to feel anxious
One of the many difficulties of dealing with a cheater is how they induce panic and anxiety in us. I can remember feeling such panic and anxiety during each interaction with my cheater. Maybe it is just me?! But I doubt it. This fear and panic comes from all the nasty surprises one gets in … Continue reading “Reason to feel anxious”