Public Service Announcement (PSA): Do not send your cheater a list of reasons you want to remain married to them! Yes, I learned this one the hard way. Such a list only invites entitled contempt from the cheater. The last thing a cheater needs is someone stroking their ego. They already think they are awesome–even … Continue reading “PSA: No list!”
Category: Emotional Affair
Telling you how a Christian should behave
How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? -Matthew 7:4, NIV Some cheaters are so bold as to believe they know how YOU need to improve as a Christian! They are breaking several of the … Continue reading “Telling you how a Christian should behave”
Source of misery
Assuming a cheater is miserable because their spouse is so lousy is a dangerously bad assumption. The misery may simply result from a discord between their actions and their morals. They cannot escape the condemnation in their hearts over the sins they are committing. It is also possible their misery is a result of unresolved … Continue reading “Source of misery”
Feeding the entitlement beast
Some pastors and marriage counselors simply feed the cheater’s entitlement. Even when a cheater confesses infidelity–say an emotional affair–some will choose to focus on the faithful party’s “deficiencies.” They will treat the cheater as the “victim” in the marriage as opposed to the sinful aggressor that they are. Such people fail to understand and apply … Continue reading “Feeding the entitlement beast”
Spouse improvement lists from the adulterous
Cheaters sometimes come with the faithful spouse to a pastor (or Christian marriage counselor) with a list. This is a list designed to excuse their behavior and keep the focus off their own sin. Many take the bait. We, faithful spouses, think that if we do the requested self-improvements then we can save our marriage. … Continue reading “Spouse improvement lists from the adulterous”
Blaming you for the emotional affair
If the cheater blames you for their emotional affair… …be aware that they will have no problem blaming you for a physical affair, too! This is one of the many reasons to take an emotional affairs seriously. Once the cheater feels embolden to believe lies about emotional affairs–namely, they are not responsible for such sin–then … Continue reading “Blaming you for the emotional affair”
Cheater concern about you never “getting over it.”
“If we stayed married, you’d always hold this over my head,” says Cheater. Cheater Concern About You Never “Getting Over It” What I find interesting about this response is how the Cheater shows he or she understands the infidelity has forever impacted the marriage. They understand that they cannot go back to how things were. … Continue reading “Cheater concern about you never “getting over it.””
Preying on your desperation
After discovering infidelity, I bet many of us went into overdrive to figure out how to “save” our marriages. It is the rare faithful spouse who refuses to demean themselves further by chasing after the cheater (and the marriage) immediately. Especially, as a Christian, I think it is rare to level consequences at the start … Continue reading “Preying on your desperation”
Remember: God’s got you!
Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe. -Proverbs 29:25, NIV People will likely talk. Sure. Even–maybe especially–“Christian” people with issues with you getting a divorce from your cheater. However… Do not allow the “fear of man” to paralyze you. That fear is what will get you snared in … Continue reading “Remember: God’s got you!”
When a cheater claims the marriage was “toxic”
Thou shalt not commit adultery. -Exodus 20:14, KJV Did I miss something? When I read this verse–part of the Ten Commandments–I don’t see where it says, “Thou shalt not commit adultery unless [you believe] your marriage is a toxic relationship.” I don’t see it because it is NOT there! This is an especially lame cheater excuse or … Continue reading “When a cheater claims the marriage was “toxic””