If a man be found lying with a woman married to an husband, then they shall both of them die, both the man that lay with the woman, and the woman: so shalt thou put away evil from Israel. -Deuteronomy 22:22, KJV Sometimes we cling to other unhealthy relationships besides the relationship with our cheater. … Continue reading “Letting go of bad relationships”
Category: Grief
PSA: No list!
Public Service Announcement (PSA): Do not send your cheater a list of reasons you want to remain married to them! Yes, I learned this one the hard way. Such a list only invites entitled contempt from the cheater. The last thing a cheater needs is someone stroking their ego. They already think they are awesome–even … Continue reading “PSA: No list!”
Embracing mourning
Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted. -Matthew 5:4, KJV Divorcing a cheater comes with tremendous amounts of loss. Anyone who has experienced such a divorce does not need to be told this. They have lived it. When I look at this beatitude from Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount, I “translate” … Continue reading “Embracing mourning”
Robbed of that safety and security
One of the losses that comes with adultery discovery is the loss of a safety and security. No longer can you trust your spouse against the world. This is a big loss. It is hard to compute often times. We have committed our lives to this person only to be so deeply betrayed. It is … Continue reading “Robbed of that safety and security”
Regarding those Deadwood “friends”
But Jesus said, “Judas, would you betray the Son of Man with a kiss?” -Luke 22:48, NLT Some “friends” will “kiss” you with words-bespeaking of their love for you-while they further the cheater’s agenda of blame-shifting the infidelity and divorce upon you. It is confusing enough dealing with the lies and deceptions of a cheater. … Continue reading “Regarding those Deadwood “friends””
Divorce and those narrative gaps
When we divorce our cheater, faithful spouses often do not know the full story (and probably won’t ever). This is one of the traumatic aspects of marrying a cheater. They have all the knowledge of who and when they slept with someone else. But they are unwilling to give that to information to their spouse. … Continue reading “Divorce and those narrative gaps”
Caring for self
When I was going through the deep valley of separation, adultery discovery, and divorce, I had to make conscience decisions to take care of myself. The grief is that extreme. For me, I had to remind myself to eat. If I did not do this, then I would not have eaten at all during that … Continue reading “Caring for self”
A decade of divorce
Today marks the ten year anniversary of my divorce. Looking back today, I am so grateful for the mercy of divorce. It cleared the way for the best things in my life today–namely, Mrs. DM, Munchkin, and my bird buddies. I have such a rich life today, which is only possible because I am no … Continue reading “A decade of divorce”
A good distraction
When I was heading for my divorce and then recovering from it, I had some wonderful friends who helped distract me from the pain. It was a gift. I hope you have a true friend or two who does that for you as well. Sometimes, we need a break from the grief work. That is … Continue reading “A good distraction”
Complex feelings
Yesterday, I received some disappointing news regarding a management job I interviewed to get. I did not get the job. I would be lying to say I did not feel sad, angry, and disappointed about this. Yet I also feel relief and hope that, perhaps, God is directing even this disappointment for my good (see … Continue reading “Complex feelings”