A person without self-control is like a city with broken-down walls.
-Proverbs 25:28, NLT
For God will never give you the spirit of fear, but the Holy Spirit who gives you mighty power, love, and self-control.
-2 Timothy 1:7, TPT
Some cheaters thrive off of provoking the faithful spouse to anger.
I believe this. It gives them a sense of power. Like a child who enjoys egging on another child, the cheater thrives over the “game” of pushing the faithful party to a place of upset.
The best answer to this is not to play.
Deny the cheater the satisfaction of seeing your anger. Keep that information to yourself. Use it as a fuel to get yourself free from your abuser while away from him or her.
Will you have moments when it is too much to bear? Of course. We are all human. I hope you forgive yourself for those moments when you allowed your anger to show (please, be safe and non-violent, though).
God is the origin of our power, peace, and self-control.
Seek Him for this empowerment when you are struggling. Dwell on Him in the midst of this difficult time. He does not leave us as orphans even if it feels like it (see Hebrews 13:5).
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*A version of this post ran previously.
My cheater told me that the reason I hired my own lawyer was that I couldn’t think for myself. I said, well right now I can’t so I hired someone to think for me. Shut him right up. I am sure he was hoping for, I can so think for myself, and then let him take it from there.
Escaped him that he had already hired a lawyer, and he wanted me to use his lawyer so he and his lawyer could decide my fate. Me hiring my own lawyer put a stop to their plan of screwing me into poverty.
Thankfully, you didn’t fall for that!