20 A bruised reed he will not break,
and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out,
till he has brought justice through to victory.
21 In his name the nations will put their hope.”-Matthew 12:20-21, NIV
Crushed versus Crusher
A pastoral error frequently made when handling infidelity cases is treating both parties the same way. This is unhelpful and actually harmful. It enables an abuser to continue the abuse of their victim.
We need to draw the distinction between the crushed and the crusher.
This is a diagnostic necessity. The crusher needs firm and stern care. They need to be halted in their destructive ways and warned of the spiritual imperil of their souls (see Hebrews 10:26-27).
On the other hand, the crushed needs gentle and kind care. They need encouragement and comfort during a time of great and deep wounding. The last thing they need is someone adding to their heavy burdens by blaming them for the wounds they’ve taken from their betrayer.
You cannot provide godly and quality pastoral care if you do not see this distinction.
The two parties require different approaches for proper spiritual care. You will not be able to provide that proper care without diagnosing the parties correctly.
