Author: Divorce Minister

Get out of the wicked cycle

Anyone recognize the following cycle? Cheat.  Cheater says, “It was a ‘cry for help.’ [Insert favorite blame directed at faithful spouse].” Cheat, again. Cheater says, “Our marriage problems have nothing to do with [affair partner]. You know that you [insert favorite blame directed at faithful spouse].” Continues cheating. This cycle is nothing new. Cheaters do … Continue reading “Get out of the wicked cycle”

Trivializing pain: “Stuff happens.”

Me: “I got divorced. Then I had to go through a trial with my denomination to keep my license.” Friend: “Don’t they realize that stuff happens.” I do not recommend the “stuff happens” response to someone whose marriage has been blown up by adultery. While I appreciate this friend’s effort to be understanding, the stance … Continue reading “Trivializing pain: “Stuff happens.””

Please, get tested for STDs!

One of the most humiliating aspects of dealing with a cheater is this need to know. If a cheater is unwilling to submit to STD tests, then you have your answer as to how repentant they are–i.e. not at all. It is rather low hanging fruit–so to speak–for a cheater to provide scientifically verified assurance … Continue reading “Please, get tested for STDs!”

Cheater-Speak: “We NEVER talk!”

“We NEVER talk!” cries Cheater. The irony about this sort of statement from a cheater is how their own failure to talk with the faithful spouse is by design. Whether emotional or physical or both, the affair was a relationship cloaked in secrecy. The cheater did not communicate this critical information–namely their cheating–to the faithful spouse. Yet, now, … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “We NEVER talk!””

Divorce is NOT the enemy! Sin is.

But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. -Matthew 5:28, NLT Public Service Announcement: Divorce is NOT the enemy. Sin IS! A pet peeve of mine is hearing pastors talk about the tragedy of divorce as if this the problem. Such talk … Continue reading “Divorce is NOT the enemy! Sin is.”

A shot at reconciliation denied.

Peace. One of the things that gave me peace–after some time of healing–about my first marriage ending was that I gave it a shot. I left the door open to a godly reconciliation. Once I knew about the adultery, I kicked the ball back into her court. I gave her the option of repenting from … Continue reading “A shot at reconciliation denied.”

Freely provides restitution

“‘…if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount.’” -Luke 19:8b, NIV A truly repentant Cheater will offer restitution. This is what I see from this famous story about Jesus meeting Zacchaeus. Jesus did not insist on this. The offer was freely offered by Zaccheaus. He had met … Continue reading “Freely provides restitution”