One good thing that came out of my ex-wife’s adultery and my consequential divorce from her is that I know God’s Word much better than before particularly in regards to forgiveness and repentance. A lot of what I got from the Christian community was Matt 6:14-15: 14 For if you forgive other people when they … Continue reading “Understanding forgiveness from Matthew 6:14-15”
An especially dangerous lie
“The affair has nothing to do with our marriage problems.” -Lying Cheater This is a very dangerous lie. Sometimes the cheater says this, and sometimes, sadly, pastors or other counselors say this. It is dangerous because it takes the focus off the most destructive behavior–namely, the adultery. Clearly, we know this is a lie because … Continue reading “An especially dangerous lie”
Cheater-Speak: “She means nothing to me.”
“She (or He) means nothing to me.” -Cheater It curious how cheaters are willing to throw away very meaningful things–at least, for some people–like their character and marriage vows for someone who they claim “means nothing” to them. My point is such statements coming from a cheater are lies. The cheater might believe them themselves. But … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “She means nothing to me.””
Tale of Two 6th Anniversaries
Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies. -Proverbs 31:10, KJV Today is our wedding anniversary. Mrs. DM and I have been married six years. The length of our marriage soon will eclipse the length of my first stormy one. The irony of this proverb is how I had the … Continue reading “Tale of Two 6th Anniversaries”
Competing against a fantasy
May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. -Proverbs 5:18, NIV When I was dating my first wife (the cheater), I remember thinking about this dynamic. A committed relationship was very different than one that was not. The fantasy soon wears off when real life issues start impacting … Continue reading “Competing against a fantasy”
Cheater claims no hope.
“I just do not have any hope for our marriage.” -Cheater Ironically, faithful spouses are usually the ones who are accused of giving up on the marriage. The reality is that the cheater gave up on the marriage the moment they decided to violate their marriage vows. Plus, many of us–I suspect–sat in the counseling … Continue reading “Cheater claims no hope.”
Do not just stay daytime friends!
Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. -Proverbs 4:23, NLT I was listening to some of the Kenny Rogers’ songs. He died recently. One of his songs jumped out at me. His song, “Daytime Friends,” struck me as a song that illustrates a most basic principle regarding cheaters: … Continue reading “Do not just stay daytime friends!”
Inquiring Christian: Have you forgiven your ex?
“Have you forgiven your ex-wife?” -Inquiring Christian Let’s assume this person has not already passed judgment and condemned you as “bitter.” In other words, they are asking this question in good faith and out of genuine love for you. My response would be: What do you mean by “forgiven?” The answer to this question will … Continue reading “Inquiring Christian: Have you forgiven your ex?”
Probably planned this out….
There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes…. -Proverbs 6:16-18a, NIV Sad to say, I suspect many cheaters have planned out their deception and their exodus from the marriage. This is especially true–I suspect–when it comes … Continue reading “Probably planned this out….”
Spurned Love
“Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing.” -Matthew 23:37, NIV Spurned love. I do not believe a faithful spouse never loved their cheater. We did. … Continue reading “Spurned Love”