Christian leaders, divorce needs to be a REAL option!

And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also. -Jeremiah 3:8, KJV Oddly, pastors and Christian counselors have been known to make the faithful spouse … Continue reading “Christian leaders, divorce needs to be a REAL option!”

“Bad Christian.” Ok.

“You’re a ‘bad Christian’ for not doing ….” -Cheater This shaming label used to make me jump to do my ex and others’ bidding. I did not want to be seen as a “bad Christian.” Then I wised up to the source. Is an unrepentant adulteress really qualified to wield such a label? Really?! I … Continue reading ““Bad Christian.” Ok.”

Other people can be wrong. Let them!

Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter! -Isaiah 5:20, KJV Part of the injustice faithful spouses often experience is a community of people–even confessing Christians–who will not accept what happened. Some might even accept … Continue reading “Other people can be wrong. Let them!”

Mismatched values as in light and darkness

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? -2 Corinthians 6:14, KJV Whether one is abandoned or cheated on or both, the reality for faithful spouses is as stark as this verse from 2 Corinthians paints it. Light cannot fellowship with … Continue reading “Mismatched values as in light and darkness”

Soothing meditation

What do you do to calm yourself when you feel anxious? I usually get anxious when a medical provider is taking my blood pressure. The fear of “failing” this test just makes it a self-fulfilling prophecy as my anxiety rises and with it, my blood pressure. Telling myself to “calm down” just doesn’t work.  What … Continue reading “Soothing meditation”

Joshua Harris’ Separation Announcement: Kissing Ordination Goodbye?

Joshua Harris is the author who wrote the purity-culture books I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship.  If you came of age in the ’90s (or later) in the conservative Christian world, these books were unavoidable. Their ideas were taught all over the place as the way to go for Christian teenagers … Continue reading “Joshua Harris’ Separation Announcement: Kissing Ordination Goodbye?”

So NOT friends with ex!

How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? -2 Corinthians 6:14b, NLT Some Christians expect faithful spouses to remain “friends” with their cheating ex-partner following divorce. This is insane! The expectation is wound up in a twisted and perverted understanding of what forgiveness demands in this situation. Guess what? … Continue reading “So NOT friends with ex!”

Let go of what you don’t control.

25 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? 26 Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? -Luke 12:25-26, NIV Sometimes, I find myself trying to control something outside of my control. Usually, this takes the form of worrying. I am pretty practiced at tormenting … Continue reading “Let go of what you don’t control.”

Would you say such a thing to your own best friend?

Would you say the same thing (you just thought about yourself) out loud about a really good friend? We, faithful spouses, can be our worst enemies. Instead of rejection the condemnation and shame, we heap it upon ourselves. This needs to stop.   There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ … Continue reading “Would you say such a thing to your own best friend?”