It isn’t my responsibility to judge outsiders, but it certainly is your responsibility to judge those inside the church who are sinning. -I Corinthians 5:12, NLT The path of least resistance with a cheater “friend” is to agree with their sob-story over how they “were driven” to cheat on their spouse. But that is NOT the … Continue reading “Courageous Confrontation Gift”
Category: Trauma of adultery
Unspoken.
Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep. -Romans 12:15, KJV When divorce is condemned as a whole from the pulpit, this means all divorce is condemned. Left unspoken is the acknowledgement of those who find themselves divorced against their will and those divorced because they married an abusive, adulterous spouse. Because those … Continue reading “Unspoken.”
“Move on,” Privilege speaks.
“You need to move on,” says the Privileged. When something as traumatic as a surviving the adultery and divorce from a cheater happens, you are forever marked. Over time, I have found the scars fade. However, they will always be there. People pushing for one to “move on” are pushing denial of these scars. It … Continue reading ““Move on,” Privilege speaks.”
Unseen = Faithful spouses when pastors talk about divorce.
“For the Lord God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one’s garment with violence,” Says the Lord of hosts. -Malachi 2:16a, NKJV If an evangelical pastor talks about divorce, he usually references this verse out of context. Like a club, it is used to keep people from **gasp!** divorcing. It does not work. And it has … Continue reading “Unseen = Faithful spouses when pastors talk about divorce.”
When “good” is NOT an option for us
Let her remove the adulterous look from her face and the unfaithfulness from between her breasts. -Hosea 2:2b, NIV What drives me nuts about how some pastors speak of divorce is how they assume a “good” option is left on the table for a faithful spouse. Sadly, following infidelity this just isn’t the case! The faithful … Continue reading “When “good” is NOT an option for us”
Impulsive one?! Really?!
And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce…. -Jeremiah 3:8a, KJV What I find curious in cases with adultery is how the Christian community is so quick to press against the faithful spouse choosing divorce as if this … Continue reading “Impulsive one?! Really?!”
You are NOT the Savior!
For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. -John 3:17, KJV Jesus is the only One who is able to save someone spiritually. How well or poorly we respond to discovering infidelity ought never to be construed as causing the cheater … Continue reading “You are NOT the Savior!”
Love is more than a word. Look for fruit.
A good tree produces good fruit, and a bad tree produces bad fruit. …Yes, just as you can identify a tree by its fruit, so you can identify people by their actions. -Matthew 7:17, 20, NLT When talking about love, I would suggest one looks at actions and not just words. Cheaters will say all … Continue reading “Love is more than a word. Look for fruit.”
Cheater-Speak: “I never wanted to hurt you.”
“You got to understand that I never wanted to hurt you.” -Cheater Why would a cheater tell their spouse that they never wanted or intended to hurt them? I think this is all about protecting themselves. The cheater is attempting to protect themselves from the reality of what they did. By attempting to get agreement … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “I never wanted to hurt you.””
Congratulations and clear-sighted thinking
When my divorce was finalized, my divorce lawyer congratulated me. I did not feel very celebratory in that moment. To be honest, I was still hoping for a miracle in the last hour. The divorce finalizing activated just another level of grief for me. It was real. That was a tough moment. I have no … Continue reading “Congratulations and clear-sighted thinking”