An overseer, then, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate, prudent, respectable, hospitable, able to teach…. -I Timothy 3:2, NASB Some cheaters have absolutely no shame. They get caught and retroactively try to make it look like it was and is okay. Maybe they suggest an open marriage? Maybe they suggest a … Continue reading “Polygamy is NOT a godly option. Period.”
Category: Theology of divorce
Two to Tango? Really?!
Random Christian: Sure, she cheated on you. But you know, it takes two to tango. DM: That only applies if you have two willing and able dance partners. She clearly is not willing and possibly not even able to “tango” with me. The “It takes two to tango” line is a subtle blame-shift upon faithful … Continue reading “Two to Tango? Really?!”
Emotional wounds are the longest to heal.
Probably the hardest part of healing from a divorce from a cheater are the lingering emotional wounds from that marriage. You have to find a way to ground yourself in reality. This reality is a reality NOT defined by the cheater or her people. It is reality, in other words. That is hard to do when you … Continue reading “Emotional wounds are the longest to heal.”
On treating cheating as an unimportant detail regarding the divorce.
“If a man commits adultery with his neighbor’s wife, both the man and the woman who have committed adultery must be put to death.” -Leviticus 20:10, NLT What astounds me with pastors and Christian marriage counselors who deal with marital infidelity situations is how too many treat cheating as incidental to a marriage ending in … Continue reading “On treating cheating as an unimportant detail regarding the divorce.”
CHEATERS are the ones treating marriage as disposable!!!
Christian leaders seem to worry that allowing any divorce is to open the flood gates to every divorce. The idea is permitting divorce necessarily means taking a disposable stance towards the covenant of marriage. This is just not so. God does not take marriage lightly, and yet He is described in the Bible as divorcing Israel: And I saw, … Continue reading “CHEATERS are the ones treating marriage as disposable!!!”
Dear DM, I don’t know how to fix this.
Good afternoon, Obviously you deal with complicated situations so I’m just going to assume you can read between the lines and understand this marriage of mine with the details I give. So. Here we are. We’re married under the worldly courts AND covenant agreements. We have two children 3 mnths and 1 yr and 4 … Continue reading “Dear DM, I don’t know how to fix this.”
On advice not to divorce because marriage is “about holiness”
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be … Continue reading “On advice not to divorce because marriage is “about holiness””
Better days ahead!
The Lord blessed the latter days of Job more than his beginning…. -Job 42:12a, NASB So much is done within the Church to reinforce fears concerning divorce. Even a ministry I generally recommend for those divorcing a cheating spouse, DivorceCare, does this to some extent. They certainly do not encourage divorce–even when, I believe, that … Continue reading “Better days ahead!”
Joshua Harris on his divorce and leaving Christianity
Harris is very likable and humble in this interview. He gives some hints as to what was behind his marriage ending. Harris says, “…if you are living in unrepentant sin, then you have to be put out of the church. …. I excommunicated myself essentially.” Examples of what offenses might cause this excommunication: “Getting an … Continue reading “Joshua Harris on his divorce and leaving Christianity”
That Cheater Cycle
Anyone recognize the following cycle? Cheat. Cheater says, “It was a ‘cry for help.’ [Insert favorite blame directed at faithful spouse].” Cheat, again. Cheater says, “Our marriage problems have nothing to do with [affair partner]. You know that you [insert favorite blame directed at faithful spouse].” Continues cheating. This cycle is nothing new. Cheaters do … Continue reading “That Cheater Cycle”