Public Service Announcement: Cheaters are manipulators! That is how they roll. Cheaters use the trust of the faithful spouse to avoid consequences for their sinful behaviors. Cheaters lie, which is always a form of manipulation. They withhold truth. Also, many will engage in gas-lighting their victims. (For those unfamiliar with the term of “gas-lighting,” it … Continue reading “PSA: Cheaters are manipulators.”
Author: Divorce Minister
Hope settled.
… and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. -Romans 5:4b-5a, NLT Sometimes, it is hard to hope. That makes sense. This is especially so in light of the devastating losses that come with divorce from a cheater. In these seasons, I find it important to remember … Continue reading “Hope settled.”
Dangerously, dumb advice
“Why don’t you both take a break from each other?” -Clueless Counselor This is one of the dumbest pieces of advice given to a couple dealing with infidelity. The problems of an infidelity ravaged marriage are not solved by creating more distance and less accountability for the cheater. Both are the last things needed, actually. A break is … Continue reading “Dangerously, dumb advice”
Unfinished Cheater Business
23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.” -Matthew 5:23-24, NIV When a cheater divorces and goes on to remarry, … Continue reading “Unfinished Cheater Business”
Feelings regarding affair partner(s)
Keep to a path far from her [adulteress], do not go near the door of her house,lest you lose your honor to others and your dignity to one who is cruel,lest strangers feast on your wealth and your toil enrich the house of another. -Proverbs 8-10, NIV How do I feel about the affair partner(s)? Obviously, an affair … Continue reading “Feelings regarding affair partner(s)”
Cheater fellowship with Christ?
When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” -John 8:12, NIV If we claim that we share life with him, but keep walking in the realm of darkness, we’re fooling ourselves and not living the … Continue reading “Cheater fellowship with Christ?”
Dispersed Anger
God is an honest judge. He is angry with the wicked every day. -Psalm 7:11, NLT Oddly enough, my anger was often directed to other bad actors in my divorce instead of the prime character–my (now) ex-wife. Certainly, I had good reason to feel angry towards those others. It was actually healthy to feel this feeling … Continue reading “Dispersed Anger”
Yes, they did.
–Did your spouse try to blame you for their cheating? Maybe they called it a “cry for help?” –Did your spouse live a double life of lies for months if not years of hidden cheating? –Did your spouse attend multiple marriage counseling while maintaining a secret affair partner the whole time? I do not know … Continue reading “Yes, they did.”
More than the individual spouse harmed!
Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words. -Job 2:13, NIV Just as the wedding day is a family event, the adultery discovery and divorce are felt by the same family as … Continue reading “More than the individual spouse harmed!”
The distinction lie
“It wasn’t really cheating. Come on! We both know we weren’t close for years.” -Cheater A cheater might draw a distinction in their mind. This distinction allows them to believe their own lie about the infidelity. It helps them to minimize what they did. They are unique because of this distinction. -Maybe your cheater moved … Continue reading “The distinction lie”