What a decade the 2010’s were for me! I never would have scripted these years for me in the way they went down. However, I am grateful for the ending days of that decade. At the start, I was still finishing up my seminary education at Yale while married to my cheater. The next couple … Continue reading “What a decade! Happy New Year!!!”
Category: Trauma of adultery
Chapman on third party not being the cause….
“First, realize that the third person is never the full reason for separation. In fact, Guidepost 4 says that marital difficulty is caused by the marriage partners, not by someone outside the marriage….Your failures and those of your spouse brought about the crisis in your marriage.” -ONE MORE TRY by Gary Chapman, pp31-32. Oddly, I … Continue reading “Chapman on third party not being the cause….”
Taking care of self
When I was going through the deep valley of separation, adultery discovery, and divorce, I had to make conscience decisions to take care of myself. The grief is that extreme. For me, I had to remind myself to eat. If I did not do this, then I would not have eaten at all during that … Continue reading “Taking care of self”
Over that line, big time!
Have you ever done a “mind map?” As I remember them from grade school, this is a brainstorming tool where one has a main idea in a bubble then related ideas connected to that bubble to form a web like picture. I know of a situation involving a cheater who utilized this tool to figure … Continue reading “Over that line, big time!”
DM: Forged by the fire
“See, it is I who created the blacksmith who fans the coals into flame and forges a weapon fit for its work. And it is I who have created the destroyer to wreak havoc; no weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of … Continue reading “DM: Forged by the fire”
Sometimes our spirits register wrongs
When I was attending counseling sessions with my ex, I remember feeling full of panic going to these lay counselors. The time with them was upsetting to put it mildly. I suspect my anger and fear–i.e. panic–were registering danger even though my head was unable to make sense of it in the moment. God has … Continue reading “Sometimes our spirits register wrongs”
I envy.
I envy some faithful spouses. The cheater cheats on them, gets discovered, and the faithful spouse does not even blink an eye in telling that cheater it is over. They refuse to be treated like that. They exercise their permission to divorce without looking back. That wasn’t me. I suspect many of us did what … Continue reading “I envy.”
Too short. Let’s focus on gratitude.
In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. -I Thessalonians 5:18, KJV Life is frustrating at times. Injustice is rife in this world. Yet I am choosing to focus on the gifts in my life. It is a command–after all–that we choose thanksgiving. I find this … Continue reading “Too short. Let’s focus on gratitude.”
The question of Hell.
The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. -2 Peter 3:9, NIV While this verse is more about Christ’s second coming, I figure it is a good verse to talk about end things in general. … Continue reading “The question of Hell.”
Settled in truth and reality
When I was in the heat of my marriage dissolution, I remember constantly being thrown off by the email responses I received from my (now) ex-wife. They would make me particularly upset when she continued to insist on pinning the fault for the marriage ending on me. Looking back now, I can see how out … Continue reading “Settled in truth and reality”