But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. -Galatians 5:22-23, NIV (emphasis mine) Without fail, I find myself tearing up when I hear stories of kindness. The stranger that stops for another in need and offers of themselves when they didn’t have to. I … Continue reading “Tears of gratitude for kindness”
Category: Trauma of adultery
Pro-Tip: Do NOT use your cheater’s individual therapist for help!
Pro-Tip: Do NOT use your cheater’s individual therapist* for help fixing the marriage! This is a hard learned lesson for me. It did not go well when I did not live by this tip. I will leave it at that. The problems with using your cheater’s individual therapist for the marriage issues are multifold: 1. … Continue reading “Pro-Tip: Do NOT use your cheater’s individual therapist for help!”
Cut the Connection
When at a conference following the fresh official end to my first marriage, I was given some solid advice about my future. Like two ships untying their lines from a dock, I was told to let my ex-wife sail her ship away, and I was to do the same. It was about cutting the cord … Continue reading “Cut the Connection”
Encouragement: Good men and good women DO exist!
He replied again, “I have zealously served the Lord God Almighty. But the people of Israel have broken their covenant with you, torn down your altars, and killed every one of your prophets. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me, too.” … “Yet I will preserve 7,000 others in Israel … Continue reading “Encouragement: Good men and good women DO exist!”
…and then the cheating is discovered.
…and be sure your sin will find you out. -Numbers 32:23b, KJV All those emotionally cold counseling meetings. All the finger-pointing and fault-finding sessions. All the anger over what seemed petty yet was treated as “life and death” marriage problems. …then the cheating is uncovered, and it all starts to make sense. While it … Continue reading “…and then the cheating is discovered.”
Divorce lessons from the Christmas Story
This is how the birth of Jesus the Messiah came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be pregnant through the Holy Spirit. Because Joseph her husband was faithful to the law, and yet did not want to expose her to public disgrace, … Continue reading “Divorce lessons from the Christmas Story”
Cheater-Speak (Continued): “I lied because I thought you’d get angry.”
“I thought you would get angry. That is why I didn’t tell you.” -Cheater (on why she lied) to faithful spouse This sort of statement is red meat to therapists and pastors who see their roles as rescuers. They hear something like this, and immediately jump to rescue the (cheating) “damsel in distress.” They are … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak (Continued): “I lied because I thought you’d get angry.””
Some sick people poke you for a reaction. Don’t give them the satisfaction!
A person without self-control is like a city with broken-down walls. -Proverbs 25:28, NLT For God will never give you the spirit of fear, but the Holy Spirit who gives you mighty power, love, and self-control. -2 Timothy 1:7, TPT Some cheaters thrive off of provoking the faithful spouse to anger. I believe this. It … Continue reading “Some sick people poke you for a reaction. Don’t give them the satisfaction!”
Cheaters seem to cheat while faithful spouses are most vulnerable.
Cheaters seem to thrive on cheating when their spouse is most vulnerable. This is yet another demonic pattern that I have noticed. The vulnerable time might take multiple forms: -Maybe the faithful spouse is in a fight for her life dealing with breast cancer? -Maybe it is a faithful husband who just was fired from … Continue reading “Cheaters seem to cheat while faithful spouses are most vulnerable.”
Cheater Narrative “Death” Match
Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions. -Proverbs 18:2, NIV Cheaters have a vested interest in having your agreement to their marriage ending narrative. If they have anything left of a conscience, they hope to alleviate the internal pain by getting your agreement to their narrative. Of course, this … Continue reading “Cheater Narrative “Death” Match”