To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a … Continue reading “Unhelpful point: God never intended marriage to end in divorce.”
Category: Emotional Affair
You want to believe the denials, but…
You want to believe the denials, but… …you know the truth in your gut, and it feels awful. Some cheaters deny the truth for months or longer after getting caught. Others admit it (to varying degrees). Yet cheaters know that we are predisposed to believing their lies. Who wants to believe a loved one was … Continue reading “You want to believe the denials, but…”
Possible? Maybe. Likely? No.
As a dog returns to its vomit, so fools repeat their folly. -Proverbs 26:11, NIV Within the Christian community, so much pressure is placed upon faithful spouses to “reconcile” with their cheating partners. Sometimes lip service is given to the importance that the cheater has actually changed and will not cheat again. However, the general … Continue reading “Possible? Maybe. Likely? No.”
Cling to the truth.
“Everyone on the side of truth listens to me.” -John 18:37b, NIV Truth: You did not drive your spouse to cheat (and abandon you). Truth: You do not deserve to be abused, and cheating is abuse. Truth: Divorcing a cheater is not sin. Truth: Divorcing an unrepentant cheater is not dooming your kids, rather you … Continue reading “Cling to the truth.”
Like a drug
When someone feels unlovable, I believe emotional affairs hold an especial allure. The temptation is to fill a legitimate need through sinfully illegitimate ways. A cheater takes their need to feel lovable and turns to the world to make them feel worthy of romantic pursuit. This might manifest through evenings at bars where she welcomes … Continue reading “Like a drug”
2 questions behind the questions
Two Questions Behind the Questions: 1. “Did you deserve the abandonment or being cheated on?” 2. “Did you learn your “lesson(s)” from being cheated on/divorced?” What a messed up world we live in where Christians are given a free pass to probe a soul rape victim with questions about what he or she has learned … Continue reading “2 questions behind the questions”
Denials of Cheaters
You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires…. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies. -John 8:44a,c, NIV Ever get the denial? The cheater is caught red-handed. She knows the jig is up, but she goes ahead … Continue reading “Denials of Cheaters”
Reminding self: Why would you want that back?!
Forgiveness is not the same thing as forgetting. In fact, I would suggest “forgetting” is just “denial” by another name. What helped me in both forgiving and moving on from my ex-wife was writing out what she actually did. Having this list in mind is very useful. Such a list is helpful in dealing with … Continue reading “Reminding self: Why would you want that back?!”
Yo, it’s not me. It’s you!
-When the blame-shifting starts… -When the pastor or counselor suggests you drove the cheater to it by doing… -When the cheater whines, “Why!” to the divorce… “It’s not me; it’s you.” Stop wasting your time on figuring out what you did to “deserve” this. You did not deserve it! Your action or inaction did … Continue reading “Yo, it’s not me. It’s you!”
Validation needs to come long before forgiveness talk
Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words. -Job 2:13, NLT Please do not underestimate how traumatic and disorienting discovering marital infidelity is! Speaking from my personal experience as well as from … Continue reading “Validation needs to come long before forgiveness talk”