An adulterous woman consumes a man, then wipes her mouth and says, “What’s wrong with that?” -Proverbs 30:20, NLT I am convinced some cheaters have so blocked off parts of their lives that they genuinely believe the lies they tell to their partners. They believe God is good with them. Their dark other life–or lives–are … Continue reading “Split Selves”
Author: Divorce Minister
Make the rules
Cheaters believe they get to make the rules. This is part of the reason they go into a rage when they discover court consequences. The control is no longer theirs. It isn’t a high school break up. Part of “justifying” their sins is making up rules that “excuse” it. These are rules like “we weren’t … Continue reading “Make the rules”
False Hope Enables Cheaters Abuse
Sharing only testimonies of reconciled and restored marriages following adultery… …feeds false hope in “reconciliation” for faithful spouses dealing with unrepentant cheaters. Show of hands. How many here thought their marriage was going to “make it” and then you would have a testimony about marriage reconciliation to share with others? I know I did. The … Continue reading “False Hope Enables Cheaters Abuse”
Masterful Manipulators
Masterful Manipulators It helps to recognize our cheaters may be masterful manipulators. These are individuals who know how to play people to do what they want them to do. Some cheaters can even confess to cheating to a pastor and counselor and then somehow make the session about how bad their spouse is! Obviously, you … Continue reading “Masterful Manipulators”
Not everything is spiritual, but somethings are!
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. -Ephesians 6:12, NIV Not everything is spiritual warfare, but somethings are! I was pondering this idea today. It came from feeling … Continue reading “Not everything is spiritual, but somethings are!”
Don’t focus on the doodoo
Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. -I Thessalonians 5:18, NLT My wife and I have adopted two rescue parrots.* They are both Green Cheek Conures. I did not grow up with birds. Mrs. DM did. In fact, she told me parrots are her preferred … Continue reading “Don’t focus on the doodoo”
No interest in understanding
Fools have no interest in understanding; they only want to air their own opinions. -Proverbs 18:2, NLT In my season of suffering, I found some people simply did not want to hear about my pain. They didn’t want to understand. These people were set in their beliefs about divorce. They were happy to share their … Continue reading “No interest in understanding”
Resurrection Sunday Lessons
“He isn’t here! He is risen from the dead, just as he said would happen. Come, see where his body was lying.” -Matthew 28:6, NLT Too often, the story of Easter is misapplied to infidelity situations as to mean God will resurrect your marriage. I think I lived in that world of false hope personally. … Continue reading “Resurrection Sunday Lessons”
You do NOT have to take the lecture!
You do not have to take the lecture from the morally bankrupt Cheater. Walk away. Hang up the phone. End the session. A responsible pastor would do this for you in a session. Minimally, the pastor would correct the Cheater. However, you do not have to be passive in these situations. You have agency! If … Continue reading “You do NOT have to take the lecture!”
Still getting demands
If your cheater is still making demands…. …then you can be assured that they are not really sorry about cheating and did not really “get” the devastation of their sin against you. A person who cheats and grasps how awful a betrayal it is will not then turn on the faithful party to make relationship … Continue reading “Still getting demands”