“You shall not commit adultery.” -Exodus 20:14, NIV Displaced Pain I suspect many of our Cheaters are dealing with some sort of pain in their lives. They may use their pain as excuse to engage in destructive behaviors of all sorts. Sadly, faithful spouses are impacted by their poor copping mechanisms. Just because your Cheater … Continue reading “Displaced Pain”
Author: Divorce Minister
Facing difficult truths
Discovering your spouse was unfaithful is an earth-shaking experience! When this happened, the faithful spouse who can come to terms with reality will be able to navigate this awful experience with some safety and sanity. They will save themselves some unnecessary suffering, in other words. Here are some important things to come to terms with: … Continue reading “Facing difficult truths”
Common “Christian” Manipulations
The Lord blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the former part. -Job 42:12a, NIV Christians are terrible as far as how they attempt to manipulate faithful spouses into staying married to unrepentant cheaters. I can think of several spiritually abusive moves that faithful spouses endure in various Christian communities who take a dim or … Continue reading “Common “Christian” Manipulations”
Resource regarding “forgiveness”
Yesterday, I came across an interesting article about forgiveness and trauma care from a mental health provider, Anastasia Pollock, LCMHC. It is entitled: “Why I Don’t Use the Word ‘Forgiveness’ in Trauma Therapy” Pollock writes, As soon as I say, “You don’t have to forgive,” the person usually breathes a sigh of relief. Once we … Continue reading “Resource regarding “forgiveness””
Cheating as manipulation
“I just was trying to get your attention [by cheating on you],” says Cheater. Whether they frame it as a “cry for help” or blame it as caused by the marriage conditions, the same mechanism is at work: The cheater is trying to use the cheating as a means to manipulate the faithful spouse to … Continue reading “Cheating as manipulation”
Attention Addiction
“This is the way of an adulterous woman: She eats and wipes her mouth and says, ‘I’ve done nothing wrong.’” -Proverbs 30:20, NIV I am convinced some cheaters are just addicted to the sexual or romantic attention of others. They love the high of being pursued. This is why the typical Christian advice of pursuing … Continue reading “Attention Addiction”
I wonder.
You know how I am scorned, disgraced and shamed; all my enemies are before you. -Psalm 69:19, NIV I wonder… …how many “friends” knew she was cheating on me? This is one mystery that will likely forever remain unsolved. I do suspect the number who knew was far more than I would wish were the case. … Continue reading “I wonder.”
“Not my truth.”
“That’s not my truth! God wants me to be happy,” cries an exposed Cheater. Cheaters are big on trying to control how people perceive them. They will go through all sort of word-gymnastics to avoid the real truth. When someone dares to point out what they are doing is sin, they will twist the … Continue reading ““Not my truth.””
Bday! Mine.
Today is my birthday. I am grateful I am around to celebrate it. This was brought into question for me when I was in the darkest of places over a decade ago dealing with a cheating spouse. Life is such a gift! This past weekend I was in the Chicago area doing a powerlifting meet. … Continue reading “Bday! Mine.”
Adultery as an escape
An adulterous woman consumes a man, then wipes her mouth and says, “What’s wrong with that?” -Proverbs 30:20, NLT Some Cheaters “escape” the mundane issues of their lives into a fantasy world with their affair partner(s). You can never compete with this as the adulterous relationship is based on a fantasy–and not the reality of … Continue reading “Adultery as an escape”