Author: Divorce Minister

Cheater-Speak: “We don’t have any money.”

“We don’t have any money,” says Cheater. Then she spends on expensive dining out and travel with her paramour. It was never about the lack of money. The point about saying that you are without money is that they are uninterested in spending money on you and your needs. Their desires and wishes are worth … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “We don’t have any money.””

Not the role of a spouse

Free Marriage Advice: If you are looking to your spouse to prove that you are lovable, you are looking to the wrong person. When we look to humans to fill a God-shaped hole, we will always be disappointed. Humans were never intended to “fix” us. Only God can satisfy the deepest longings in our souls. … Continue reading “Not the role of a spouse”

Do not settle for being part of their “harem”

Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery. -Hebrews 13:4, NLT Some Cheaters would love to stay on “friendly” terms even after divorce. Of course, this “friendly” terms offer does not include them owning their behavior or apologizing … Continue reading “Do not settle for being part of their “harem””

Dear DM, Is her abandonment unfaithfulness?

Dear DM, Thank you for your ministry to survivors of infidelity abuse. My former wife of 25 years abandoned me and our minor son back in 2019. Although she denied having an extra-marital affair, I cannot seriously believe she would have left her son unless she had crossed a line of no return. That line … Continue reading “Dear DM, Is her abandonment unfaithfulness?”

I believe God can raise the dead, but…

I believe God can and does raise the dead, but… …I still do funerals. This is my stance on marriages ravaged by infidelity. I believe some can be resurrected; however, that is a miracle. It is about as common as a funeral ending in a resurrection today. That is to say, not common. The natural … Continue reading “I believe God can raise the dead, but…”

Contrast to the usual “Christian” resources

While I am thankful for the help of some Christian resources in my dark season, I discovered most had an agenda apart from freely presenting the options. Most Christian resources–in my experience–are focused upon “saving the marriage.” This goal is pursued at the unacknowledged cost of the faithful spouse’s well-being. For these authors and pastors, … Continue reading “Contrast to the usual “Christian” resources”

Marital Infidelity Abuse Survivors

4 Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery. -Hebrews 13:4, NLT “Marital Infidelity Abuse Survivors” This is the phrase I find myself using to describe my ministry here and in person to others in the Church. I might … Continue reading “Marital Infidelity Abuse Survivors”

Sheep and Wolves

15 “Beware of false prophets who come disguised as harmless sheep but are really vicious wolves. 16 You can identify them by their fruit, that is, by the way they act.” -Matthew 7:15-16a, NLT A common pastoral care error committed by even well-meaning leaders is to fail to recognize an important distinction: Perpetrators and Victims–a.k.a. Wolves and Sheep. … Continue reading “Sheep and Wolves”